


Second Chances

by Leloi



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Depression, Infidelity, Jealous Spock, M/M, McSpirk - Freeform, Mistaken Identity, Non-Gender Specific Gestation Technology Discussed But Not Used, Recovery, Space Husbands, Stranded, triumverate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-08-16 12:12:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8101984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leloi/pseuds/Leloi
Summary: Jim woke and rolled over to kiss Leonard McCoy on his bearded cheek.  “Morning, Bones.”McCoy growled and swatted Jim away, rolling onto his side, away from his former captain.Jim rolled to his other side and lightly kissed Spock’s cheek.  “Morning, Spock.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this on September 3rd. I hoped to finish it in time for Star Trek Day. That didn't happen. A friend of mine suggested that McSpirk was OTP (even though I'm a Spirk fangirl). I decided to indulge that idea. 
> 
> Am I done? No. And it just keeps getting longer and longer! I'm at 13,968 words. So I decided to make it a chapter fic. I will strive to complete it in a timely manner. More labels will be added as the plot unfolds.
> 
> The title comes from a Next Generation episode. This is a reboot original series version of that plot but with more angst and sex.
> 
> Enjoy!

Jim woke and rolled over to kiss Leonard McCoy on his bearded cheek. “Morning, Bones.”

McCoy growled and swatted Jim away, rolling onto his side, away from his former captain.

Jim rolled to his other side and lightly kissed Spock’s cheek. “Morning, Spock.”

Spock opened one eye to stare at Jim in the dimness of the cave. It was just before sunrise and very little light entered the cave. “You have not had enough sleep.”

“I can sleep at any time.” Jim informed him.

“Well I can’t. So either shut the hell up or leave!” McCoy growled from his side of their bed.

Jim curled up against the Vulcan, resting his head on Spock’s shoulder. “You promised. And I’m hard.”

Spock gave a soft sigh and kissed Jim’s cheek near his ear. “Happy Birthday, ashayam.” And with that he scooted down in the bed until his head was level with Jim’s hips. His mouth took the human’s penis. 

Jim gave a soft grunt as he fought to be silent and not bother McCoy with his birthday morning blow job.

^.~

Five years before there had been an accident that left Leonard McCoy, James Kirk and Spock on Talsa III, a planet they had been exploring. The three waited as days became weeks. Luckily the planet was covered with everything they needed to survive. The only drawback was the lack of higher life forms. It was a virtual paradise aside from the fact that they had to hunt and gather their food.

For a month they lived in the shuttle that had crashed onto the planet. If Starfleet ever sent out a search party, they would look for the shuttle. If the Enterprise survived the attack… While attempting to beam the three out there had been indication that the Enterprise was under attack. The beaming process started and then reversed. No calls on the communicator went through. They continued to call until the batteries went dead. That took six weeks.

Eventually a suitable cave habitat had been found not far from the shuttle. Anyone scanning for the shuttle would pick up their readings. The months after their accident had been spent in learning to survive and creating a shelter that could withstand the elements. It never got too cold, but it did rain a lot.

^.~

Jim held his breath as his body pulsed with pleasure. Spock had quite the talent for fellatio. Taking a slow, cautious breath he attempted to slow his racing heart. His body felt tingly.

Spock crawled back up to his place on the bed, licking his lips obscenely.

Jim kissed him, pushing his tongue into the Vulcan’s mouth to taste himself there.

“Will you two knock it the fuck off? I’m trying to sleep!” McCoy sat up to glare at them.

Jim rolled away from Spock and blinked up at McCoy. “But it’s my birthday.”

“You used to hate your birthday.”

“That was before…”

“Before Spock started to make it a tradition to suck you off on your birthday?” McCoy demanded.

“He’s very good.”

“Not this early in the morning!” McCoy answered.

Jim pouted. “Bones…”

McCoy rubbed his forehead a moment before his whole demeanor changed. “Sorry. Happy birthday, darlin’.” And with that he leaned down to kiss Jim fully on the lips. Pulling back, he licked his lips. “Mm… Tastes like you.”

Jim smirked at him. 

The doctor changed his position so his arm was around Jim’s waist. Absently he pushed Jim’s hair aside so he could rest his head on his shoulder without getting a face full of wild hair.

“When do I get my present?”

“When I’m ready to give it to you.” McCoy replied. “Can we go back to sleep for another couple of hours?”

“If we must.” Jim answered, closing his eyes and reaching out to pull Spock closer. His favorite part about going back to sleep around dawn was that Bones and Spock indulged him with a good cuddle. They became a Jim sandwich. The two wrapped their arms around him in a protective cocoon. There was the soft sound of skin rubbing against skin. From their position he guessed that McCoy rubbed Spock’s arm in a soothing gesture before they all went still.

^.~

A year and two months into their isolation Spock went into Pon Farr. Jim already had an occasional sexual relationship with McCoy. It often involved a mutual hand job with McCoy muttering, “shut up, shut up…” the whole time to pretend that Jim was someone else. Pon Farr wasn’t like anything they knew before. 

Spock needed to mate. The Vulcan needed sex or else he would die. And it needed to be intercourse with someone he was bonded to. 

Jim shuddered to think what would have happened if Spock had been left alone on Talsa. But luck left him with at least one able bodied potential mate. By the time Pon Farr happened Jim’s uniform was already ripped to the point of being rags. A full grown Vulcan intent on mating him rendered the last bits completely unusable. 

For two days Spock fucked him. And on the second day when he was too exhausted to continue McCoy offered himself in Jim’s place.

Jim woke to find himself entangled with his two dearest friends on the forest floor, covered in semen. Most of it was Spock’s. Some of it belonged to the two humans. Jim reached out to McCoy, lightly touching his cheek.

“I love you too, Jim.” McCoy whispered with a smile as he closed his eyes and fell asleep again.

Spock did not wake for several hours. Both McCoy and Jim cleaned themselves and the Vulcan, returning him to their bed that was made up of soft plant fibers and skins of animals the humans had hunted and eaten. When Spock finally woke he was quiet and seemed embarrassed by what he had gone through.

“Are you ok, Spock?”

“Forgive me, Jim.” Spock answered.

“There is nothing to forgive.” Jim kissed Spock’s forehead.

“I should have warned you so you would have been better prepared.”

“Bones and I handled it.”

McCoy frowned and fed another twig to their fire. “Let’s not talk about it.”

“I… I took both of you.” Spock looked between both humans.

Jim leaned against Spock and watched as the fire Bones nurtured began to grow. “Is it so horrible to be stuck with the two of us?”

“No…” Spock breathed, his eyes on the fire. 

^.~

“I’m ready for my present.” Jim announced as he stood before the cave, naked as the day he was born. His skin was tan from constant exposure over the past five years. His hair reached his shoulder blades, held back by a leather cord. Occasionally it had been cut using primitive tools. His beard and mustache were a little wild, but no different from the other human’s. 

“I’m not going to suck you off.” McCoy commented from where he sat. His uniform was mostly gone, leaving only a bit of fabric he wrapped around his waist for modesty. Jim had no such modesty.

“I don’t expect for you to suck me off.” Jim grinned at him. 

“Good. Because that’s not what you’re getting.” McCoy patted the ground in front of him. “Sit down so I can groom you.” 

Jim obeyed. The difficult part about being stranded on Talsa for five years had been the difficulty in grooming. Hair grew. It became tangled and dirty. Without a brush or a comb it was impossible to keep all the knots out. McCoy used an obsidian knife to trim his own hair to shoulder length and used his fingers to untangle the knots. Jim preferred his own hair to be longer. It was held back in a leather cord to keep it manageable. McCoy ran his fingers through Jim’s hair to work out all the knots. Spock braided his hair like the ancient Vulcans of old. It reached the small of his back in a long, thick braid.

“I should cut it.” McCoy commented as his fingers found a snag.

“What’s the point? It’s just going to grow out again.” Jim answered.

“And yet you allow me to trim your beard.” McCoy mused.

Jim absently rubbed the hair on his chin that he kept short. It was impossible to get a close shave, but he preferred to keep it under control… Unlike McCoy and his wild beard. Spock’s beard naturally seemed to stay pretty short.

It was weird to think about hair. It was something Jim never had to think about when he was immersed in civilization. His barber kept him trimmed. On Talsa, where every day was an exercise in survival, if they put off grooming they were left with painful matting. 

Jim flinched when McCoy made a careless tug. “Ow.”

“Next time work the knots out after you bathe. Don’t wait until it dries.”

“Meanie.”

“For that I won’t give you your present.” 

Jim leaned back and blinked up at Bones with a pout on his face he knew softened McCoy.

“Stop it.” McCoy rolled his eyes. “Spock, control your mate.”

Spock looked up from weaving a basket. “He is your mate too.”

“Yeah. But he actually listens to you.” McCoy grumbled.

“That is because Spock gives me blow jobs on my birthday.” Jim responded.

McCoy pushed Jim away in annoyance. “I’m never fucking you again!”

“You don’t mean it, Bones.” Jim pouted as he scooted away from the wrath of McCoy.

“We both know that is impossible.” Spock commented from where he sat with his basket.

“You keep out of it or else I’m not fucking you either!” McCoy announced. 

“Unlike humans, Vulcans do not need sex to survive.” Spock pointed out.

“Yeah? What about Pon Farr?” McCoy demanded.

Spock paled and frowned, concentrating on his basket.

“You ruined the mood.” McCoy got up and stomped away, heading down the hillside to the forest beneath their cave shelter.

Jim lay on the ground where he had been cast aside during McCoy’s snit. “Do you think he’ll come back before dinner?”

Spock set down his basket and crawled to Jim, pulling the human’s head into his lap. “I do not know, ashayam.”

“What are you making?” Jim asked.

“A gathering basket.” Spock responded.

“Don’t we already have plenty of them?” Jim sat up and faced Spock.

“I have been experimenting with the tightness of the weave.”

“You like it nice and tight?”

Spock smirked and regarded Jim with fondness. “Not everything is a reference to sex.”

“You’re the one who said it.” Jim grinned. “I was merely referring to the tight weave.”

Spock reached out and gently cupped Jim’s cheek in his hand. “We should go find Leonard.”

“He’s a big boy. He can take care of himself.” Jim leaned in and kissed Spock’s lips. “Besides… You know how he is when he’s angry.”

“I do.” Spock agreed, pulling Jim into his lap. Of the three of them Spock managed to salvage the most of his uniform. It was still nothing more than a loincloth. 

Jim straddled Spock’s lap, his legs wrapped around the Vulcan’s body. “He misses Jo.”

Spock rested his forehead against Jim’s and took a deep breath. “His child…”

“We’ve been here for five years. She’s not so little anymore. But he’s stuck here with us instead of watching her grow up.”

“We must do something to please him.”

“What do you have in mind?” Jim asked, lightly tracing the edges of Spock’s ears.

“We will think of something.” Spock sat up straight, making it a little difficult for Jim to cuddle with him.

Jim leaned back until his torso was on the ground, his hips still in Spock’s lap and his legs wrapped around the Vulcan.

Spock absently rubbed Jim’s hips as he stared at the trees. 

“If this never happened… The three of us wouldn’t be together like this, would we?” Jim asked, staring up at the sky.

Spock’s hands stilled on Jim’s hips. “Perhaps not.”

“Bones would be free to see other people… Maybe he’d remarry.”

“Have you thought about marriage?” Spock asked.

Jim shrugged. It was impressive considering he was laying on the ground with his lower half wrapped around Spock. “I never really considered it before. Who would want me?”

“Vulcans must marry or else they will die.” Spock remarked.

“If humans went through that I’d probably be dead.” Jim mused, covering his eyes with his arm. “Here lies James Tiberius Kirk. No one wanted to deal with all his baggage and he died. The end. Rest in peace.”

“You insult me.” Spock’s voice was low, dangerous.

Jim moved his arm to look at the Vulcan. “What do you mean?”

“You would not die. There are those who would marry you to save your life.”

Jim took in the Vulcan’s anger. “You mean you would?”

“You did it for me. Why in your fantasy do I not reciprocate?”

“I’m sorry, Spock. I didn’t mean for it to sound that way.” Rolling over, he slid off of Spock’s lap and sat up before the Vulcan. “Would you want me? Baggage and all?”

“You are my mate.” Spock answered. “I already accept your baggage. You accept mine. Together we accept Leonard’s.”

“Even when he’s homesick and missing his family.” Jim sighed and rubbed his face. “I suppose we should go look for him.” With a grunt he stood up and looked down into the forest. Jim led the way into the lush undergrowth. Their shelter overlooked a valley. The human led the way towards the stream they used as a water source. “If I was to marry someone… It would probably be you. If you married someone else then… Well… I guess I wasn’t meant to get married to anyone.”

“I am married to someone else. We are both married to Leonard.” Spock commented.

“Yeah, but if you were on the Enterprise and married Bones I wouldn’t want to get in the middle of that.” Jim stopped at the stream and looked up stream and down for any sign of McCoy. “I don’t see him.”

Spock started down one of the pathways they had created beside the stream. Jim followed him. “I did not consider Leonard as a potential mate until we came here.”

“You didn’t?”

“He was always your friend. He was protective of you. For a time I thought you were in a relationship with him.” Spock stopped at a large tree. It was a source of nuts in their diet. The tree was large enough that they used it as a landmark. 

Jim looked around. “I don’t see any sign of him. He’s really mad, isn’t he?”

Spock made a face. 

“I shouldn’t have teased him.” Jim reached up and picked a fruit from a nearby tree. Casually he began to eat it, allowing the juice to flow down his chest. “Want some?” The fruit was held out to the Vulcan. 

“Negative. I know what Leonard has planned for dinner.” Spock answered. 

Jim shrugged and finished the fruit, tossing the pit away. Already a few fruit trees were beginning to grow in the area due to this habit. “I’m going to take a bath.” The human padded back towards the stream and plunged in. It was refreshingly cool and he took a drink as he bathed. With his hair rinsed he began to work his fingers through the length, trying to work out all the knots so Bones didn’t have to. With a final rinse he emerged from the water and stood in the open, wringing out his hair.

“You look like a god damn river god.” A familiar Southern voice called out from the bushes. 

“I’m sorry.” Jim stated.

McCoy emerged from the bushes. “You better be.” His fingers ran through Jim’s hair and kissed him. “You’re going to be the end of me.”

^.~

Jim was the glue that held their relationship together. His warm affection with both Bones and Spock eased the way between the two sometimes abrasive personalities. And when both the doctor and Vulcan fought for dominance, Jim happily took the submissive role to satisfy them both. All it took was a warm, flirty smile and a gentle kiss. Jim could soften Leonard McCoy’s rough temper and incite passion from Spock. And in bed he didn’t care who took him as long as all three got off.

Spock pulled out and allowed McCoy to push into Jim’s open and lubricated hole.

“Jim…” McCoy grunted, pounding into the man below him.

Jim reached up and pulled McCoy’s lips down to his own, kissing him.

McCoy cried out and bucked against Jim before he went still and gasped for air. A few moments later he rolled off. “Damnit, Spock! Stop pushing your fingers into my ass when I’m about to cum!” 

“I am merely stimulating your prostate.” Spock responded as he took his place between Jim’s knees and pushed back into him.

Jim wrapped his legs around Spock. His own orgasm still not resolved. “Admit it… You like it.”

“Fuck you!” Bones growled and rolled onto his side to watch Spock take Jim with powerful and deep thrusts. “I swear it looks like you are trying to impale him with your dick. It’s a little disturbing to know that he can take it.”

Jim grunted and reached out a hand to blindly take McCoy’s hand.

Bones allowed Jim to maneuver his hand down and wrapped it around his stiff cock. Gently he fisted the organ in time with Spock’s thrusts. “You pervert. You like having both of us at the same time.”

“Hell, yeah…” Jim grunted between thrusts. “Faster… Both of you…” His body writhed in time with the thrusts and he reached up to pull Spock fully on top of him, trapping McCoy’s hand between them. Jim cried out and went still, causing both of his mates to stop their movements.

McCoy felt warmth flow over his fingers and he squeezed Jim’s cock just a tiny bit more.

Spock gave a soft moan and shifted his position, his forehead pressed against Jim’s. Finally he gave a deep sigh and pulled away.

Jim stretched out on the ground, looking completely indecent with the amount of semen on his body. “I love you.” With a warm, happy sigh he closed his eyes.

Neither the doctor nor the Vulcan asked for whom Jim was referring. It was understood he was speaking to both of them.

After a bath in the stream they returned to the shelter. All three curled up together on their bed in a post coital cuddle. Jim lay in the middle. Bones reached across Jim to lightly touch Spock’s side where a scar remained.

Spock’s eyes caught McCoy’s and he gave a soft smile as his hand covered the doctor’s. His lips kissed Jim’s temple. 

McCoy shifted and mirrored Spock’s action on the other side of Jim’s head.

Jim grunted and gave a deep sigh. “I want to go home.” With a sniffle he rolled over until he was face down so he could press his tears into the bedding and soften his sobs. But where was home? They were together but McCoy wanted his daughter. Both Jim and Bones were human and would eventually die, leaving Spock alone without a mate. Many problems would be solved if they could get back to civilization. If they could leave Talsa they could do what they needed to do without being trapped.

Warm bodies pressed against Jim on both sides. Neither of his mates said anything, but he knew they were homesick too. And again his birthday turned out much like his previous birthdays… Depressed by his life choices and insignificant.

\--TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to 14,219 words! And still no end in sight. 
> 
> I haven't decided what sort of posting schedule I will use. A daily seems likely for now since I have 23 pages of buffer between the part I'm writing and the part I just posted.

Jim piled the nuts in the basket. The latest wind storm knocked down a large number of nuts and he scrambled to pick them up before the Talsa’s version of insects and small animals got to them. The basket he had brought wasn’t big enough. 

Footsteps approached him from behind.

“Hey… Can you get me another one of Spock’s baskets? Maybe the big one?” Jim glanced back over his shoulder and startled. The person standing there wasn’t McCoy or Spock. It was himself. The other him was clean shaven with short hair and a red uniform with white trim. “What the hell?”

The other Jim took a step back in surprise. “Bones?”

“What’s wrong, Jim?” A scrubbed version of McCoy stepped out of the bushes and stopped, staring down at Jim with a look of shock on his face. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

Jim stood up and took a step back, shaking his head in denial. “I don’t… Where did you come from?”

“From the Enterprise.” The other Jim answered.

“He’s human.” Bones announced, looking at his tricorder. “A detailed DNA analysis should tell us who he is.”

“The Enterprise is gone!” Jim informed them. “It didn’t come back. We assumed that it was destroyed and that’s why no one came back to look for us.”

“Us?” The other Jim queried.

Jim glanced at the other Jim and the other Bones. “Yes. Us. You, me, and Spock. There was a problem with the transporter. The Enterprise was attacked while we were attempting to transport up.”

Bones took a step closer. “That was five years ago.” 

“It’s been longer than that. Spock knows exactly how long we’ve been here. He can tell you.” Jim took another step away from Bones.

“We’re not going to hurt you, Jim.” Bones raised his hands in surrender. “I just want to check you over.”

Jim allowed Bones to approach and scan him.

“Where are the others?” The other Jim cocked his head to the side.

“Bones was fishing and Spock… Spock was gathering vegetables.” Jim answered. “I’ll take you to the shuttle.” Jim led the way through the forest and climbed towards the resting place for the shuttle. “We lived here for a while until the mud and rain started to make everything too damp. We needed someplace high and dry.”

“Wow… It’s still here.” The other Jim looked into the remains of the shuttle. “I remember when we crash landed here.”

“We found the cave and it suited our needs.” Jim climbed the well-worn path between shuttle and shelter. As he stepped up onto the outcrop that served as the front porch he saw Spock sitting with a basket of vegetables. “You’re back. I found something strange in the forest.”

Spock scrambled to his feet and stared at the other Jim and McCoy. “How is this possible?”

“We don’t know yet.” The other Jim informed him. “From what this Jim says you had a transporter problem. We didn’t experience that problem.”

Bones stepped forward and scanned the Vulcan with his tricorder. “As far as I can tell he’s identical to the Spock that returned with us.”

“You two have been here, together, this whole time?” The other Jim asked.

“Leonard is also here.” Spock informed him.

“There’s another me…” Bones mused, frowning at the thought.

Jim stood on the edge of the outcrop and cupped his hands in front of his mouth to give a loud call.

“What was that?” Bones demanded.

“Calling for Bones. If he can hear me, he’ll respond and return.” Jim explained.

There was a distant cry from the forest.

“He heard me.” 

“What brought you here if you did not expect to find us?” Spock asked, standing formally with his hands behind his back in a pose Jim had not seen in years.

“We found your readings. We knew there weren’t any higher life forms on this planet the last time we were here and we were curious to know what it meant.” The other Jim smiled at them.

“Where is your Spock?” Jim asked.

The other Jim’s smile faded and he frowned at the ground. “He left Starfleet. He now lives on New Vulcan with his wife and daughter.”

Bones, the one that lived on Talsa, came puffing up the hill. “What is it? What’s…? Oh, dear lord…” Gaping at the visitors, he unconsciously covered himself even though he was wearing something around his waist.

The other Bones checked him over with his tricorder. “Look at me… I look like a wild man!” 

“Well… At least you’re not naked.” The other Jim chuckled softly.

“My uniform never stood a chance out here.” Jim answered, crossing his arms over his chest. “And they don’t mind seeing me naked.”

“Well… If we are to beam you three up we should probably find you something to wear.” The other Jim took off his uniform jacket and held it out to Jim. “We’ll get you something when we get to the ship. But for now, this will do.”

“You’re taking us back?” Bones asked.

“Why wouldn’t we?” His duplicate asked.

“For one thing, there will be two of us.” Bones answered.

“We can’t leave you here.” The other Jim looked around. “Don’t you want to leave this planet?”

Jim looked to Spock and Bones. “Of course we do. But is there room for us?”

“We’ll make room.” The other Jim grinned. Opening a communicator, he called, “Enterprise.”

“Sulu here.” Sulu answered.

“Inform the away teams that we found what we were looking for. Have them beamed up when ready. Five to beam up.”

“Understood.”

Jim closed his eyes and immediately felt the change in temperature. There was a lot of movement as people scurried around them. Someone wrapped a blanket around his shoulders. Was life on a starship always the swirl of lights, colors, and noises? The past five years had been nothing but peace and quiet. It was a little overwhelming to find himself among a large number of people. A look to Bones and Spock alerted him that they too were overwhelmed by the activity around them. 

Someone led them to the medical bay and he found himself sitting on a bio bed. 

The other Bones (Jim decided to think of him as McCoy) looked over a PADD. “I’ll be damned. An exact genetic duplicate. There are differences here and there. You sustained some injuries within the past five years.” McCoy moved on to Bones and then Spock, doing the same thing for them. 

“What is the verdict?” The other Jim (now called Kirk) asked as he entered the medical bay.

“They are identical to us.” McCoy answered.

“But they aren’t clones?” Kirk asked.

“No. As far as I can tell the transporter beamed us up and beamed them back down. We are the same.”

“That’s… So bizarre.” Kirk looked at Jim closely.

McCoy shivered. “And you thought I was paranoid for not trusting the transporter. Look what it can do! It can split a man in two and make an exact copy!”

“So what happens to us now that we are here?” Jim asked.

Kirk crossed his arms over his chest. “Well… I’m an admiral now. You’re still a captain.”

“You said my duplicate is on New Vulcan?” Spock asked.

“That’s correct.” Kirk looked Spock over. “You look exactly like him… Aside from all the hair.”

“Perhaps it would be best if Leonard, Jim and I found a corner of the universe to live out our days.” Spock suggested.

“Oh, hell no!” Bones responded. “You may want to run away and hide. But I want to see Joanna!”

“You may do both, Leonard.” Spock replied.

“You could stay here with us, Spock.” Kirk suggested.

Spock shook his head. “I go where my husbands go.”

“You are married?” A look of deep sadness covered Kirk’s face.

“If I am identical to the Spock that returned with you, then surely you must know that I had to marry.” Spock responded.

“Both of them?” Kirk looked at Jim and Bones in turn.

“Would you have me exclude one? We were on the planet together.”

“You married both of them?” Kirk asked again for clarification.

McCoy shivered and looked away.

“We share a bond between us. My bond with Jim is a marriage bond. My bond with Leonard is based on his bond with Jim. Jim is T’hy’la. Leonard is… Like a brother but closer. Together we are a family… A triumvirate.”

Kirk bit his lips and squinted his eyes. Tears formed in the corners and he turned away. 

“I hurt you.” Spock observed.

“I… I had feelings for Spock but he married Nyota.” Kirk answered, rubbing the tears from his eyes. “I let him go. I thought it was hopeless. She was the only one who could give him what he needed. I see now that wasn’t the case.” 

“I grieve with you.” Spock whispered.

“Where do we go?” Jim asked, looking between the doubles. “We can’t stay here.”

“Where would you like to go?” Kirk asked.

“New Vulcan.” Spock answered.

“Very well… We’ll take you to New Vulcan.” Kirk gave them a weak smile.

\--TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Life on a starship was different than life on Talsa. The three were given a cabin to share. Jim insisted that they did not want to be split apart. There was difficulty in finding a room with a big enough bed. The three solved that problem by making a nest on the floor with mattresses, pillows, and blankets. 

One of their first priorities, aside from a complete physical, was to be groomed. All three got shaves and a haircut. Civilian clothes were given to them so the rest of the crew would know Jim and Bones were not Kirk and McCoy.

Jim spent a lot of time with the food, excited to have a variety in his diet. When he wasn’t eating or wandering around the ship he was watching himself. And as he watched he began to realize that his life as a Starfleet officer was over with Admiral Kirk taking his place. The realization bothered him, but he kept it to himself. The admiral was confident and respected. His crew knew him and trusted him. Jim could never live up to what the admiral had accomplished and that depressed him.

Bones contacted his daughter and attempted to explain to her that she now had two fathers. Joanna was now a teenager. At first she was confused by his explanation, but with some help from his double they managed to encourage her to find out more about her other father who had spent the past five years stranded. She promised to visit wherever he eventually settled.

Spock contacted his father to prepare for their new life on New Vulcan. Jim didn’t know what they spoke about because the Vulcan was very private when it came to his communications. 

Within only a few weeks to assimilate back into the culture they had lost five years previous, they were ready to beam down to New Vulcan. Jim’s few weeks had been spent in a fog of too much stimulation. For a time he began to wonder that he would never feel calm in the highly intensive sights and sounds of a starship. The only comfort he had were the nights he spent on the floor, curled up between his mates as they drifted off to sleep.

Jim’s first impression of New Vulcan was that it was too hot. Instantly he was sweating in the robe he wore. It felt like he had stepped into a furnace. 

Kirk, Bones, Jim, and Spock were met at the transporter site by Sarek, another Spock, Uhura and a small girl. 

Sarek stepped forward and raised his hand in the ta’al. “Welcome home, my son.”

“Thank you father.” Spock returned the ta’al. 

Jim looked between them, impressed that Sarek instantly accepted his Spock as also being his son. He wasn’t a duplicate or a copy… Spock was his son just as much as the Vulcan standing next to Uhura.

The others stepped up to greet their guests. Uhura smiled at him. “Another you? I can’t leave you alone for a minute without you getting in trouble.”

Jim laughed along with her before he looked down at the little girl. Overall she looked very much like her mother, but she had Vulcan ears. “Hello.”

“Hello.” The girl replied.

“Aisha, this is another James Kirk. He’s coming to live here with the other Spock.”

Aisha stared up at him in open curiosity. 

“Hi, Aisha. That’s a pretty name.”

“Thank you.” Her voice was soft.

“How old is she?” Jim shifted his attention to Uhura.

“Three years, four months.” Uhura answered. 

“Shall we go in?” Sarek asked the assembled.

^.~

Dinner was awkward. After Aisha was put to bed three Vulcans and four humans gathered around the table. Jim tried not to notice that both Sarek and the other Spock were staring at him. 

It had been years since he had dinner like a civilized human being and it felt out of practice to use utensils instead of his hands.

“Spock… You are identical in every way to the Spock that left Talsa. How did you deal with…?” Sarek left the question open.

Jim looked up from his dinner. The looks of morbid curiosity he could see in in Uhura, other Spock and Sarek were embarrassing. “You mean Pon Farr.”

“We do not speak of it…” Sarek began.

“But that’s what you’re asking, isn’t it? Who did he fuck to survive?”

“Jim!” Bones sharply reprimanded. “You don’t just come out and say it.”

Frustration filled Jim. The abandonment and the erasure was too much. “Maybe I don’t care! Maybe I would care if anyone had bothered to look for us five years ago. But no one did! We were forgotten, abandoned. At least you can go back to being a doctor. Hell, there could be a dozen Leonard McCoys running around and you can all be doctors. You could open your own hospital. Spock has a duty to his species. And what do I have? My life is being lived for me! Is that what you want to know, Sarek? Is your son married to the doctor or the guy with no future?” Jim stood up and dropped his napkin on the table. “Well, you’re lucky that Doctor McCoy is mated to Spock!” Hurt and frustrated, Jim made a beeline for the nearest exit, finding out too late that it was the door to the inner courtyard. 

The courtyard was surrounded on all sides by the building, leaving very few options in retreat. Jim tucked himself into a corner and wrapped his arms around his knees, feeling miserable and trapped.

Footsteps shortly followed. “Damnit, Jim. What the hell was that all about?” Bones demanded.

“I have nothing…”

“What are you talking about? You have a life… You have me and Spock.”

“How is that going to work exactly? We did that for survival. We don’t need that anymore. You’re free. You can go off and live with Joanna…”

“Jim… I’m your husband.”

“Maybe I want a divorce.” Jim whispered.

“You can’t mean that.” Bones’ voice broke.

“Technically we’re not even married. So we can all go our separate ways.”

“And what will you do?” Bones demanded.

There were footsteps that came from the door and they approached the two in the corner. 

“Talk to him!” Bones demanded of the Spock that appeared.

“I am not the Spock you think I am.” The other Spock answered.

“What do you want?” Bones huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“You are mated to the other me.” Other Spock answered as if that cleared up everything.

“Actually he’s mated to the both of us.” Bones replied. “When he went into Plak Tow he took Jim first. After a day and a half and without access to medical intervention Jim couldn’t continue so I took his place. My bond with him isn’t as strong as the one he shares with Jim.”

“That’s only because Bones hasn’t quite come to terms with his feelings for Spock or his sexuality.” Jim added. 

“Shut up.” Bones growled at Jim. “We’re close, but I never imagined myself in a sexual relationship with another man… Especially a man like Spock. It’s easy to be with Jim, you know?”

“I do not know.” Other Spock admitted, shaking his head. “I did not even think about what options I had when my Time came.”

“That’s right… You and Uhura had broken up before we went down to Talsa.” Bones shook his head. “And you didn’t even consider Jim?”

“I expected I would have to sire children.” Other Spock answered. 

“I came out here to be alone.” Jim announced, hugging his knees tighter. “I don’t know how this turned into a party.”

“Jim is contemplating divorce.” Bones informed the other Spock. 

“Why would you contemplate such a thing?” Other Spock asked.

“You said it yourself… It frees him up to find someone else he can sire children with.” Jim answered. “I’m not a very good mate for him anyway. I couldn’t even survive a Plak Tow.”

Other Spock blushed and looked away.

Footsteps approached from the house. 

“Great… There’s more of you.” Jim snorted.

Uhura and Spock joined the other Spock and Bones to stand over a cornered Jim. “Spock… Jim is returning to the ship.”

The other Spock nodded. “I will make my farewells.” Quickly he departed.

“I better go make sure the admiral talks to McCoy and makes arrangements regarding Joanna coming to visit.” Bones followed the Vulcan.

Uhura looked between the remaining Vulcan and Jim. “You two are married.”

“Three.” Spock informed her. “Leonard is married to us.”

Uhura shook her head. “When Spock and I broke up I never imagined that I would someday end up married to him. I thought he wanted to be with someone else. But he needed someone and Jim had his career. I don’t think my Spock would ever choose Len.”

“There were only three of us on Talsa, it was devoid of any other higher life forms. Survival depended on the three of us living and working together. We shared all things. Food, shelter… A bed.” Spock explained. 

Uhura gave a soft smirk. “I always thought you two had an abrasive personality. I think Jim smooths you both out.”

“That he does.” Spock confirmed.

“I’ll leave you to smooth over his ruffled feathers.” Uhura grinned and returned to the house.

Spock stared at Jim.

Jim kept still, hoping Spock would eventually give up and walk away. On some level he knew how stubborn the Vulcan could be when it came to making him talk.

Spock knelt in front of Jim. “What is wrong, Jim?”

“There’s nothing wrong.” Jim answered defensively.

“If nothing was wrong you would not have had an emotional outburst at the dinner table. There was something about feeling abandoned and useless.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Do you really think you are useless?”

“I’m no admiral… I’m probably not a captain anymore. I’m… Nothing. No rank. No career. No life.”

“That is not entirely true. You are a part of my family. You are a husband to Leonard and me. You provide us with love and companionship.”

“You’re not one to talk. You can stay here and make Vulcan babies. You can be a father. Heck, you can be an ambassador like Old Spock. You have options. Bones has options too. No one cares that there are two Doctor McCoys running around. What about me? There can only be one of me in Starfleet… And he’s it. I’m no one. Starfleet is all I had for the past decade. Before that, what was I? A drunk who started fist fights in bars so I could feel something in my wasted life. When you take away Starfleet, what’s left?”

“Ashayam…” Spock crawled closer and touched Jim’s hand. “You can be anything you want to be.”

“Except in Starfleet.” Jim challenged.

“T’hy’la… Please… You wanted your freedom and not have to worry about survival. You have that now. You do not have to be in Starfleet. You can be anything you want. I will support you.”

“What if I want a divorce?” Jim asked quietly.

Spock pulled his hand away and sat back, balling his fists. “Why would you ask for that?”

“I feel like we were forced to marry without any sort of agreement beforehand. I did it because I had to. You would have died. I didn’t even know if you loved me or wanted me. I just sorta opened my legs and hoped for the best. Now you’re stuck with me and Bones. Do you even want that?”

“I do not consider myself stuck. I never imagined I would have two husbands at the same time. But I am agreeable to our relationship. Are you stuck?”

“No, Spock… I just don’t feel worthy.”

“Then I will endeavor to make you feel worthy.” Spock answered and reached out to pull Jim closer.

“Hey! Someone will see us.” Jim protested.

“I find I do not care.” Spock answered, kissing the edge of Jim’s lips. “This is my father’s house.”

“But it’s not our house.”

“I will buy you your own house.” Spock responded as he kissed his way down Jim’s body to concentrate on his trousers. 

Jim slumped against the wall he had been leaning against, watching his husband take his cock into his mouth. Spock really did give a fantastic blow job. Jim watched Spock greedily consume him down to the base. His eyes drifted across the garden. Someone was watching them from the doorway. Jim froze and rested his hand on Spock’s head. “Someone is watching us.”

Spock gave a grunt in reply but did not stop.

The person near the doorway took several steps into the garden. It was the other Spock. For a moment he looked confused and then he just watched in open curiosity.

“It’s the other you… The other Spock. He’s watching us.” Jim informed Spock.

Spock pulled off and gave Jim a look until Jim met his gaze. Very slowly the Vulcan resumed his suckling, keeping eye contact as his mouth obscenely took in all of Jim’s length.

Jim breathed out a, “fuck…” Immediately thoughts of the other Spock were obliterated, watching his own Spock take him into his mouth. Closing his eyes and rolling back his head, he lost all thought of everything. Too soon his hips moved as he eagerly took Spock’s mouth. Years of practice kept him silent with only deep, shivering breaths to reveal when he finally ejaculated. 

Spock swallowed it all and then sat back up to kiss Jim’s lips, pushing the remains of his seed back into his husband’s mouth. Breaking the kiss, he leaned against the human.

“You’re so dirty…” Jim mused as he opened his eyes. The other Spock was still there, standing within ten feet of them.

“T’hy’la…” Spock murmured, relaxing against Jim’s body.

Jim saw the other Spock flinch at the word. It seemed to take him by surprise. Slowly he shook his head as if to clear what he heard. “He’s still watching us.”

Spock grunted and turned around to blink up at his other self.

“What did you call him?” The other Spock asked.

Spock sat up straighter. “He is T’hy’la.” 

“I do not understand…”

“You have not engaged in coitus with the James Kirk you returned with. There is no way you could have known that James Kirk is our T’hy’la.” Spock answered.

The other Spock took a step away from them. 

“You wished to experience coitus with him… And yet you never acted upon it.”

“He was my captain. And then he was promoted to Vice Admiral.” The other Spock bowed his head. “I could not ask him to be there for me during my Time.”

“If it makes you feel any better I barely survived Pon Farr.” Jim offered. 

“I apologize, ashayam. I could not hold back once I had you.” Spock admitted, looking to Jim. “I should have maintained control so as not to hurt you the way I did.”

“It’s not your fault. I was weak.” Jim answered.

“No… I did not hold back. I could have. The urge to claim you overwhelmed me. You were finally mine.” Spock looked away with a blush. “But in the process I found the doctor had been pulled into our relationship when he took your place. My platonic relationship with him became part of our marriage bond. Forgive me.”

Jim shook his head. “There’s nothing to forgive.”

“I would have hurt Jim?” The other Spock asked.

Spock turned his attention to his other self. “I was desperate to bond with him. He had no access to medical care and could not recover quickly enough for my need. That would not have been the case with you. We were isolated on Talsa III without medical aid. We survived.”

Jim managed to get up, doing up his trousers as he stood. Beside him Spock stood. Jim closed the distance between them and the other Spock. As he passed he reached out and patted the other Spock’s shoulder and gave him a smile.

The other Spock stared back at him, an obvious look of longing on his face. 

Jim glanced back at his own Spock. “Come to think of it, I don’t think you ever hold back when you take me.”

“That is true.” Spock answered and looked to his other self. “I do not.” A quick, smug smirk touched his lips for just a moment, taunting his other self.

“What the hell is going on out here?” Bones demanded, standing at the door. “I hope you talked some sense into him so he stops entertaining such stupid ideas as leaving us. I really don’t need another divorce.” 

“I have spoken to him.” Spock answered as he followed Jim towards the door.

“Great… They’re offering us the house they built for Ambassador Spock since it’s currently unoccupied.”

“Where do you live?” Jim asked, looking back at the other Spock.

“We live here with my father.” Other Spock indicated the house surrounding them. “We have a set of rooms.” His hand indicated a wall. 

Jim rejoined the dinner party with his double missing. They finished their dinner and silence. No one spoke of Jim’s emotional breakdown.

\--TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for dubious consent (if you squint). 
> 
> Things start to get a little complicated.

“Why haven’t we done this more often?” Bones asked as he eased himself down, taking Jim’s length into himself. Pulling up a bit, he tried again, slowly making his way to be flush against Jim’s hips. “You look fucking gorgeous, you know that?”

Jim smiled up at him, rubbing Bones’ knees as he felt himself be swallowed up by the doctor’s heat. “That’s it.”

“I’m going as fast as I possibly can. I haven’t been taken in years.” Bones arched his back and bit his lips, gently bouncing. “What stopped us from doing this more often?”

“The lack of lube?” Jim suggested. “All we had was Spock’s natural lubrication.”

Bones frowned for a moment before he finally grunted and sat fully down. “Damn, Jim… You feel fantastic. Just the right amount of stretch.” Bones smiled at him and gave an experimental rock. “Thank god for lube.”

“You could have let Spock take you.” Jim suggested, rubbing Bones’ knees.

Bones gave a sideways glance to their mate whom lounged naked beside them, watching. “I don’t think I’m ready to handle Spock’s appetite.”

“Does my appetite bother you, Leonard?” Spock sat up. 

“And I’m more of a top.” Bones pushed on. 

Spock smirked and leaned down, taking Bones’ cock into his mouth to suckle.

“Fucking… Hell…” Bones cried out as he clung to Spock’s head and eagerly rocked into his warm, wet mouth. Too soon it was over and he held still. “Damnit, Spock… You made me cum too quickly.” Helplessly he tapped at the head he clung to.

Spock pulled off with a smirk and then kissed him.

Bones sputtered and pushed him away. “Yuck! I don’t mind tasting Jim, but tasting myself goes too far.” Wearily he dismounted and flopped back on the bed. 

Jim looked down at his unresolved erection. “By the way, Bones… Did you know that Spock likes to torment himself?”

“What?” Bones rolled over onto his side to look at his mates. “Torment?”

“Spock knew his other self was watching but he gave me a blow job anyway. And then he talked about our sex life to his other self.”

“No! Spock?” Bones looked to Spock for confirmation.

“It was clear that the other Spock desired you. I made it clear to him that you were mine first.” Spock answered.

“Ooh… Possessive.” Bones grinned. “You let me fuck him.”

“We are married.” Spock answered as he crawled in between Jim’s knees. 

“Can you imagine being taken by two Spocks?” Jim asked conversationally.

“Scary…” Bones mused.

Spock growled and pulled Jim’s hips closer to his own. “He had his chance with his own Jim Kirk and he ruined it. He cannot have you.” With a twist of the hips he easily pushed in and leaned down to press his nose to Jim’s. “Right?”

“I feel bad for him…” Jim whispered.

Spock gave a quick thrust. “Do not feel bad for him. He chose his own path.” The Vulcan began his passionate rhythm.

“If you had left Talsa then it may have been your path too!” Jim managed.

Spock stopped and stared down at Jim. When he resumed his movements were slow, unlike anything he had done before with Jim. “Do not say that.”

“It is true. You too may have ended up with Nyota because you were too much of a coward to claim me even though I wanted you.”

“You do not know that.”

“I do know that! It happened to them!” Jim answered. 

Spock had gone still and stared down at his mate with an unreadable look in his eyes.

“If it was you married to Nyota, would you respond to me dangling out there like a temptation? A perfectly willing and fuckable Jim Kirk who didn’t get promoted to admiral and instead lived down the road with your duplicate? What would your response be? Or would you behave yourself and honor your marriage vow to Nyota?”

Spock rested against Jim, pressing his face to the human’s shoulder. “I would honor my marriage.”  
Something about Spock’s demeanor suggested otherwise. Part of it was the hunger Jim had seen in the other Spock’s eyes. 

“Admit it… If we hadn’t been stuck on Talsa we wouldn’t be mated right now… But my presence would still mess with your head and make you want me. Seeing me in his arms…”

Spock pulled off to look down at Jim. “I would be tempted.” The admission was soft. Gently he helped Jim get up and turn over so he could push in from behind. “I cannot hold back. As your husband or not… I could not hold back once my desires were unleashed.” Spock held Jim tightly and thrust into him over and over, his penis easily sliding in and out of the well-used orifice. One hand held Jim’s hip as the other reached around to stroke him. “My T’hy’la…” The Vulcan gave off an uncharacteristic squeal of surprise.

Bones grew weary of being ignored during the lovefest and approached Spock from behind, pushing two fingers into his ass. “Revenge is sweet.”

Spock looked back at his other mate and adjusted himself to give the doctor more access. “Do it.”

“You want me to fuck you while you fuck him?”

“Take me, husband.” Spock slowed his movements against Jim and adjusted his stance.

Bones managed to push in with a grunt.

For a moment the three of them didn’t move, adjusting to the awkwardness until they could find something that worked.

Jim ended up with his shoulders on the mattress, ass in the air with Spock draped over him. Bones’ movements guided them all into lazy thrusts. “You two are…” His body was already too close to the edge. Was it any wonder that it didn’t take very much to fall over that precipice? Jim cried out, releasing onto the blanket below him as Spock continued to thrust into him. The slow thrusts were nice, but too soon he became sensitive and shifted.

Spock seemed to sense his discomfort and braced himself on his hands and knees with Jim laying prone beneath him. 

Bones gripped Spock’s hips and increased his tempo before he went still.

Spock gave a soft grunt and ejaculated on Jim’s back and butt.

Jim lay on his belly, his front and back damp from their emissions, listening to Bones’ post coital pillow talk directed at Spock.

“That was magnificent, darlin’.” Bones’ voice muffled as his words became kisses. “You feel so good. We really must do this more often.”

Spock managed to roll himself and the doctor over so they would not crush Jim. The Vulcan turned to Bones and kissed him deeply, causing the human to moan.

Jim lay alone, the dampness on his back cooling. Getting up, he stumbled into the bathroom to use the sonic shower. Jim was a little annoyed that New Vulcan didn’t have water for bathing. For as long as they stayed he would be cursed with dry showers. But it was quick. Returning to the room with his towel he found Spock and Bones wrapped up in each other. Jim was suddenly overcome with a sense of loss. Quietly he left the room so as not to disturb them. His side of the bed was damp with semen anyway. 

The house had a garden. It wasn’t in a courtyard like Sarek’s house. One side was open to the desert. There was patio furniture and Jim sat on the chaise lounge. Old Spock had some human tastes it seemed and Jim doubted the patio furniture was a Vulcan aesthetic. It was still warm enough that wearing only a towel was comfortable. Casually he leaned back and stared up at the stars.

A sound of shuffling feet towards the desert startled him. “Hello?”

“Greetings.” A familiar voice answered. The footsteps approached and a Vulcan appeared in the garden.

Jim squinted at him in the dim light. “Spock, is that you?”

“Affirmative.” Spock answered and approached. “I was out for a walk.” 

“It’s a little late for a walk, isn’t it?” Jim asked.

“It’s cooler in the late evening.” Spock replied. “May I sit?”

“Knock yourself out.” Jim kicked at a chair next to his chaise lounge. 

“Why are you wearing only a towel?”

Jim shrugged and returned his gaze to the stars. “I took a sonic shower. I used the towel out of habit, I guess. Although you’d think I would have grown out of that habit living on a planet that didn’t have towels.”

“Where are your husbands?”

“They are inside… Cuddling.” Jim answered and raised his arms over his head. “Where’s your wife?”

“She is at home.” Spock adjusted his position on the chair.

“Nice night.” Jim blinked up at the stars.

“You are unhappy.” Spock observed.

“What’s to be unhappy about?” Jim rolled over to face Spock, uncaring that his towel opened. “I’m back among the living… I can have a cheeseburger with fries and a milkshake. I can visit my friends… If they accept that there’s two of me now and don’t think of me as some sort of intruder.”

“And yet you are stargazing outside while your husbands are cuddling.” Spock sniffed. “And you smell of sex.”

“Yeah… I probably do. The sonic showers you have here don’t seem like they get everything.” Jim rolled back onto his back. “I shouldn’t be jealous. They are married to each other as much as they are married to me. I used to have Bones to myself because he was still shy about his sexuality. And I also had Spock to myself because Bones got all flustered and pushed Spock away when he tried to seduce him. I should be happy they are beginning to explore their connection to each other… I’m not selfish. At least I don’t think I am. I’ve had so many relationships in so many configurations. There’s no reason to feel left out or unwanted when they start to make out.” Jim crossed his ankles and his arms, keeping his eyes on the stars. 

“You are not unwanted.”

Jim snorted a chuckle.

“You are T’hy’la.”

“What does that even mean?” Jim asked the stars.

“Spouses come and go. T’hy’la are for a lifetime.” Spock answered. “There will always be a connection… Even if they disappoint you or make you angry. They are your life companion. Even in death, he will carry you around with him until he dies… As Ambassador Spock did with his T’hy’la.”

“His James Kirk died young.” Jim commented.

“As did you.” Spock mused. “But you came back.”

“Into this dreariness I call life… And then to be left, forgotten on Talsa while another me continues to live my dreary life.”

“How did you are your Spock come together? Was it only for Pon Farr? You do not have to answer. I am merely curious.”

Jim stretched on the chaise lounge and relaxed, spread eagle and unmindful of his nudity. “You know it happened a year after we got stranded. At first we were all celibate. Sure, I masturbated. I know Bones did too. We had privacy when we were out in the forest. But at night when we were together in the shelter we lost all privacy. And our clothes were beginning to rip. I guess it started with me and Bones. We got each other off will a little bit of touching. We agreed never to speak of it, but we knew Spock could hear us. Then one day I rolled the wrong way. Spock took me in hand and it was… It was really good. He seemed to like that he could give me pleasure. And, of course, he refused any offers to reciprocate. That lasted for several months. He seemed to know when I needed it the most. And he started to lick his hand clean after I ejaculated into it. It was the hottest thing I had ever seen. That just seemed to encourage him to do it every time.” Jim pulled his arms back to his sides. “And then the fever started. He started to nuzzle against me. And he finally wanted me to touch him, so I did. He managed to tell us what was wrong and how he needed one of us to satiate him. Of course I immediately volunteered.”

Spock had been very quiet for Jim’s memories. Finally he gave a small gasp for air and shifted his seat. “You volunteered?”

“He ripped off what remained of my uniform, climbed on top of me and fucked me like a wild animal. And then we melded. Half the time I didn’t know where I ended and he began. He took me in every position until I just couldn’t anymore. When I woke up Bones was beside me. And that’s how the three of us got married.” Jim mused. “Although at first Bones would only fuck me, muttering about wild Vulcans being too much for him. It’s not like we had much else to do on Talsa. We gathered food, we survived, and they indulged me when I was horny.” Jim pulled his knees up. “You’d be amazed what idleness does for a sex life. And once Spock went through Pon Farr he was a very enthusiastic participant.”

Spock rose from his chair and sat in the end of the chaise lounge where Jim’s legs had been moments before. “You liked it?” His hand carelessly placed to touch Jim’s toes of his right foot.

“Loved it.” Jim answered, opening his knees just a little bit before shutting them again, very much aware of the double of his Vulcan husband was sitting so near. 

Spock’s breathing was off. His fingertips twitched as if he had only just become aware that they were touching Jim’s skin. Gently they slid up from foot to knee, resting on Jim’s right kneecap. “You smell of sex.”

“You said that before.” Jim reminded him, opening his knees a little bit and keeping them open. His heart began to pound in his chest as he watched the other Spock unknowingly begin to seduce him. What had his own Spock said? Something about this Spock being tempted. And there was Jim, naked and tempting him with talk of sex.

Spock’s fingertips grazed Jim’s inner thigh above his knee.

Jim dropped his left knee open, tempted to see how far he could push this Spock.

Spock’s hand lowered, following his inner thigh.

The back door opened.

The other Spock and Jim both froze. Jim glanced to the door to find a very naked Spock staring at the two of them. 

The other Spock had the sense to pull his hand away.

“Where is your wife?” Spock asked.

The other Spock flinched. “At home.”

“Where is your T’hy’la?” 

The other Spock bowed his head in surrender. “Here.”

Jim blinked at the admission. Did the other Spock really consider him to be T’hy’la? But then again, he and the other James Kirk were the same person.

“He is also on the Enterprise. But you are correct. He is right here. Why are you outside?” The question was directed at Jim.

“My side of the bed was covered in semen. And I didn’t really feel like sleeping.” 

“I am sorry, ashayam. I should have noticed your discomfort.” Spock stated calmly as if he hadn’t just caught the other Spock touching his mate. 

“Ashayam…” The other Spock echoed softly to himself.

Spock took a deep breath and then approached where Jim was lounging. Kneeling on the ground, he reached out and lightly traced Jim’s half hard cock with his fingertip. “Humans are very sensitive. A gentle touch will bring them fully erect.” His fingers demonstrated. 

Jim stared up at the stars, listening to his own Spock instruct the other Spock on how to properly seduce him. 

“This is his scrotum, inside are his testicles. They are very sensitive. But he likes it when we gently squeeze them in our hand.” Spock demonstrated. 

Jim grunted, opening his legs wider and amused at being the subject of a human anatomy lesson. 

“That will get him hard and ready.” Spock announced. Fingertips slid down to his sphincter. “Humans do not have muscle control that we do. You have to ease him open.”

“Don’t listen to him.” Jim called out. “The first time he took me he slammed into me. Luckily his lube eased the way.”

“You must be gentler with male humans.” Spock continued. “Their bodies are not made to be taken without preparation.”

“That’s why he lets Bones take me first.” Jim mused.

“That is not entirely true. I found the frequency of our coitus makes preparation unnecessary.” Spock’s fingers pushed in, causing Jim to grunt. “There is a bundle of nerves…” The Vulcan’s fingers found it, causing the human to cry out and open his legs wider. “It stimulates his prostate… Or so I have been told.”

Jim sat up on his elbows. “What are you doing, Spock? Are you going to take me in front of him?”

Spock pulled his fingers out and gently patted Jim’s hip. “No, ashayam. I am instructing him on how to pleasure you.”

“I’m sure he can figure it out through trial and error just like you did.”

“I do not wish for him to harm you… As I did.” 

Jim shook his head. “That was different. That was Pon Farr. You haven’t hurt me since.”

Spock leaned in and kissed Jim’s lips hungrily before pulling away. “He likes to be kissed the human way during coitus.” Spock kissed him again, gently. “His thoughts linger on how he wants to be taken.”

“No fair…” Jim whispered. “I never know what you want.”

“You want both of us.” Spock breathed against Jim’s lips. “At the same time.”

“Fuck…” Jim cursed, looking to the other Spock who still sat on the edge of the chaise lounge. When Spock said it, he knew it was completely true. A part of him wanted to be surrounded by Spock.

“Take off your clothes.” Spock instructed his double. “And Jim will close his eyes so he will not know who has him.”

Jim sat up in surprise, seeing the other Spock beginning to disrobe. Reality came crashing down around him. “No! We can’t do this! He’s married. Spock, we can’t mess that up for him.”

“You are T’hy’la.” Spock answered.

“So? For that we ruin his relationship with Nyota? I can’t do that to her.”

“It will not ruin his relationship…” Spock began.

The porch light suddenly came on and Bones stood at the back door. “What the blue blazes is going out here?” His eyes focused on Jim surrounded by two Spocks. “Well… Hell.”

Jim extracted himself from the chaise lounge and took two steps towards the door before turning around to face the identical Vulcans. “I can’t. It’s not fair. I love you, but I can’t.” And with a dodge he slipped past Bones to enter the house. The bedroom light was on and the bed was a mess. It looked like an orgy took place on it. Jim began to strip off the sheets. A presence stepped up behind him, covering his back. Jim leaned back against the solid form. “I can’t, Spock.”

Spock pressed his lips against the back of Jim’s neck, taking in his scent. “We are the same person.”

“But he’s married to Nyota. I like Nyota. She’s my friend. They have a child together. Aisha is adorable. I will happily be her Uncle Jim and spoil her rotten.”

“Yes, he has Nyota and a child. A piece of him has always been missing and he has lived with regret for what he could have had but gave up thinking it was not his to take. Seeing you has awakened something in him. T’hy’la come from a time when my people were warriors, before Surak. It is not logical to desire and bond with someone outside the bonds of marriage and yet… It is so. They had both mate and T’hy’la.”

Jim turned around to stare up at Spock. The Vulcan was pale, naked… And something was just a little bit off. Jim opened his mouth to say it but was silenced by Spock’s finger on his lips. 

“Hush, T’hy’la. Do not speak it.” Spock whispered. His eyes flicked down, to look over Jim’s body, bronzed by living on Talsa for five years. “You are… Cherished.” Leaning in, he kissed Jim’s lips.

Jim wondered if this Spock knew he knew he had switched places with his own Spock. It wasn’t obvious, but he knew Spock’s body just as he knew his own. This Spock was less lean. His fingers trembled when they slid over Jim’s skin. There was a hesitancy and awkwardness his own Spock had outgrown. “I… I haven’t made the bed.”

Spock gave him a shy smile. “That is alright.”

“Do you think Bones will come in?”

“He is stargazing outside.” Spock answered and leaned in to nuzzle into Jim’s neck, leaving little kisses.

“Lucky us…” Jim mused, moving his head to the side to allow Spock more room to work.

“It was not luck at all. I asked him to stay outside.” Spock nipped at Jim’s shoulder before licking it.

“Oh?”

“Yes.” Spock kissed Jim’s lips, pushing his tongue in to taste him.

Jim pulled away and looked up at Spock. “But we just had sex less than an hour ago.”

“Are you too tired to do it again?”

“No… I’m telling you we just had sex.”

“Lay down for me.” Spock whispered.

Jim reached down for one of the blankets that was less soiled than the others and spread it on the mattress before climbing onto the bed and laying down in the middle.

Spock crawled onto the bed and over Jim, kissing his scapula and his lips before sitting, straddling the human’s thighs. “Are you uncomfortable? If you want me to stop, tell me… Tell me and I will stop.” Spock’s eyes confirmed that he knew Jim knew.

Jim bit his bottom lip, staring at the Spock that wasn’t his Spock. This was a Spock who was married to one of his best friends. They had a daughter together. And yet it was so easy to pretend. Jim wanted to pretend. Something in him recognized the something in this Spock that desperately wanted to make the connection. His own Spock seemed to approve of this farce. “Why would I be uncomfortable?”

Spock sighed in relief. “I am a little heavy.”

“I like your weight on top of me.” Jim admitted. “It makes me feel secure. Why? Are you uncomfortable? Do you want to stop?”

“No.” Spock answered. His hands gently caressed Jim’s abdomen. “This feels natural. I need this.”

Jim smiled. It did feel natural, even knowing it wasn’t supposed to happen. “How do you want me?”

“How can I have you?”

“You know you can have me any way you like.”

Spock nodded and rolled them over so Jim was on top and straddling him.

Jim adjusted his position and slowly eased himself down on the slick organ. With a roll of his hips, he began a slow, easy tempo.

Spock moaned and rolled his eyes back in his head. Blindly he reached out to rest his hands on Jim’s knees. “Jim…”

“You like that?” Jim asked, changing his tempo. “You like being inside of me?”

Spock rubbed Jim’s thighs and whimpered. “So much…”

“So much what?” Jim challenged. 

“I have wanted you.” Spock replied, squeezing Jim’s thighs. “So much, Jim…”

“Show me.” Jim dismounted and rolled onto his back, immediately Spock followed him and pushed back in. “That’s it… Show me.”

Spock’s tempo was slow and deep. His teeth nipped at Jim’s collar bone as he took the human. “My T’hy’la… Mine.” 

Jim was a little amused, knowing a certain other Spock might argue about who laid claim to him first. His arms wrapped around Spock’s waist. “That’s it, Spock.”

Spock picked up speed. It wasn’t as powerful as the other Spock but it still had a desperate quality.

Jim kissed the Vulcan, pushing his tongue into his mouth as he moved his hips to counter Spock’s movements. It deepened the thrusts and made the proper amount of friction on his cock to get him close to his orgasm. 

Spock cried out and stilled, filling Jim.

Jim grit his teeth and held his breath, feeling himself expel between them. 

For a long time they lay together, neither moving except to breathe.

Finally Jim shifted, the Vulcan too heavy to handle for long. “I love you.” Lightly he kissed Spock’s cheek.

Spock moved some of his weight off of Jim and blinked down at him. “I love you too, T’hy’la.”

Jim got up and held out his hand. The Vulcan took it and Jim led him into the bathroom to stand under the sonic shower. “You are covered in my semen.”

Spock cupped Jim’s cheek in his hand and kissed him deeply, hungrily. When they parted for air he rested his forehead against the human’s. “My love for you frightens me.”

“Don’t be frightened.” Jim whispered, caressing Spock’s hand. “James Kirk will always be yours.”

“I am sorry you were left on that planet.” Spock murmured, kissing Jim again. 

“It’s alright. We found a way to survive.”

“But at what cost?” Spock kissed him again. “I cannot live without you at my side.”

Jim turned off the shower and led the Vulcan back into the bedroom. “It’s getting late. You have to let Bones know it’s safe to return.”

“I will.” Spock kissed him again, a long, lingering kiss before breathlessly pulled away. “Goodnight, my Jim.”

Jim raised a hand in farewell. Spock kissed him again desperately before he pulled away. “Goodnight, love.” Jim whispered as Spock finally left the room. A few minutes after Spock left Spock and Bones returned.

“Are you alright?” Bones asked, raising an eyebrow.

Jim nodded.

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

Jim silently shook his head.

“Good. Help me make this bed.”

\--TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to write a 2 Spock, 1 Jim threesome in this part... But I didn't think Jim would let that happen and Bones has really good timing to interrupt.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for: Depression. Depictions of major depression. Some relationship sabotage due to depression.
> 
> And now with this we have caught up to where I'm writing. Updates will now take longer.

Two weeks passed since that night. And in that time Jim watched his husbands fall in love. Bones’ demeanor softened significantly and he allowed Spock affections he had denied him while on Talsa. As the two became closer, Jim found himself pulling away.

At one time Jim had been the glue that held their marriage together. Suddenly he found there was no more need for that glue and he was adrift. When Bones and Spock attempted to pull him into their lovemaking, he left them. At night he could feel the bed shake and he would get up and leave to go sleep on the couch. Sometimes Bones and Spock just curled up together and spoke about times when Jim had not been around because he had been too busy being captain.

One evening Bones gently touched Spock’s abdominal scar and brought up memories of Altamid when Jim had been separated from them. “And you wanted to leave Starfleet…” Bones mused.

The words were painful to hear, knowing Spock and Bones had shared a moment of intimacy that Jim had never known. It just served to push him further away.

Spock worked at the labs, contributing to the sciences that helped rebuild the Vulcan species. Bones took a job at a hospital. Jim was left at home with only his own thoughts for company. Those thoughts were filled with abandonment and inadequacy. It was on one such day two weeks after he shared a moment with another Spock that that Spock showed up at his front door.

“Afternoon, T’hy’la.” Spock greeted.

Jim opened the door wider to allow the Vulcan access. “How are you?”

Spock stepped in and turned to regard Jim. “I told Nyota.”

Jim bit his lips and shut the door, keeping the cooler air inside and the hot New Vulcan sun outside. “How did she take it?”

“She was perplexed and a little hurt. But she understands.”

“Does she?” Jim led Spock to the kitchen and automatically began the process of brewing tea for his guest. “In my experience people don’t often understand things like that. They say they do, but they don’t.”

“She does.” Spock insisted, standing with his hands behind his back, watching Jim brew two mugs of tea. “How are you?”

“Fine.” Jim replied a little too quickly.

“That is not true.”

Jim faced Spock, his back to the heating tea pot. “Ok, I’m not fine. I’m bored out of my mind.”

“Have you given any thought of what you might do while you are here?” Spock asked.

Jim shrugged. “What can I do? The things I’m any good at someone here can do faster and better. I’m just a human. Computers? Engineering? No Vulcan wants a stupid human messing their things up.” Jim poured the water into the mugs over the tea bags. 

“Perhaps your own project?” Spock suggested.

“I don’t have any bright ideas… And I’m a little rusty after spending five years on Talsa.” Jim played with one of the tea bags, dunking it into the water over and over. 

“That is not the only thing that bothers you.”

Jim pulled out the tea bag and picked up the mug to hand it over to Spock. 

Spock politely took a sip. “I contacted your double.”

“Oh?” Jim removed the tea bag from his own mug and carried it into the living room. Spock followed him. “What about?”

“I asked him to visit me on his next vacation. He plans to be here sometime next month. It depends on his assignments.”

Jim curled up on the couch, sipping his tea. “That’s it? Just a visit?”

“We will talk about our future.”

“If it helps, he told me he regretted losing you. He has feelings for you. But you chose Nyota.” Jim took another sip of his tea. 

“I regret that. I did not mean to hurt him.” Spock stated into his mug of tea. 

“He loves you.” Jim supplied.

Spock gave a soft Vulcan smile. “I love him… I love both of you.” His eyes flicked up to regard Jim. There was warmth there.

Jim stared down at his tea. His own Spock never responded to words of love. Lately he had heard Bones whisper words of love and affection to Spock and it tugged at Jim’s heart to not hear those words directed at himself. Recklessly he took a deep sip of tea and scalded his tongue. With a grunt he spit the tea back into the mug and covered his mouth with his hand, fighting the urge to cry.

Spock set down his own mug and moved to kneel on the floor before Jim. Gently he took away the mug of tea and set it aside. “Did you hurt yourself?”

Jim silently nodded, his hand still over his mouth. “Burned tongue.”

Spock’s fingers lightly caressed Jim’s before he took the human’s hand. “You have so much sadness, T’hy’la.”

Jim nodded and stared down at their joined hands. “It’s nothing. I’m just being silly. I know it’s nothing.”

“Tell me.”

“I don’t think they love me.” Jim whispered. The words hurt and he immediately covered his face with his free hand. 

“What evidence do you have?” Spock asked.

Jim shook his head. “My Spock has never said he loves me.”

“He calls you ‘ashayam.’” Spock squeezed Jim’s hand. “It means ‘beloved.’” 

“I did not know that.” Jim murmured, tears still threatening to fall.

Spock lightly kissed Jim’s eyes, tasting the salt of his tears before wrapping his arms around the human and pulling him into an embrace. 

The front door opened and footsteps approached the living room.

Spock released his hold and resumed his kneeling position on the floor before looking up at the newcomer. “Afternoon, Spock.”

Jim’s Spock regarded the two sitting close together. “Afternoon.”

“I came to tell Jim that the other Jim is coming here on vacation.” The other Spock informed him.

“How is Nyota?” Spock asked.

“She is well.” The other Spock answered. “I explained to her the historical significance of a T’hy’la bond. She is not jealous of my relationship with Jim.” Rising to his feet, he folded his arms behind his back. 

“You are home early.” Jim stated from his curled up position on the couch.

Spock stared at the other Spock for a long time before focusing on Jim. “My experiment needs time.”

“I will go.” The other Spock moved his hand towards Jim and gave the human a fond smile when he touched his fingers. “If you are ever bored, you know where to find me.” And then the Vulcan was gone, leaving his double and Jim alone.

Jim scratched his face and set his hands back down in his lap. “You are annoyed.”

Spock took a deep breath and held it. “I am annoyed.”

“There’s no reason for you to be annoyed. You work. Bones works. I’m here alone, bored.”

“You allow him to touch you and yet you reject my advances.” 

Jim rolled his eyes and slouched on the couch, wrapping his arms over his chest.

“What am I doing wrong?” Spock demanded. “Ever since you shared pleasure with him you have ignored me. I do not understand.”

“He… He worships me.” Jim stared down at his arms. “He listens.”

“You are being illogical. How can I listen when you will not talk?” Spock growled. “You will not talk to me or Leonard.”

“Maybe because when I talk neither of you listen! I told you this wasn’t going to work and we should all go our separate ways but you insist it will work.” Jim bit his lips and covered his eyes, desperately trying not to break down in emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. “That night… That was the first time I ever heard you say you loved me so much it frightened you… That you couldn’t live without me. And you’re not the one who said it. He said it while pretending to be you. We have both lost so much… He understood that loss.” The human rubbed the moisture from his eyes. “Why are we even together? I’ve served my purpose.”

Spock’s hands tightened into fists as he glared at the human on the couch. “Are you done feeling sorry for yourself?”

Jim cast him a dark, injured look.

“We are together. You, me and Leonard. We are a family. We care about your wellbeing. You are a part of us. Parted but never apart.”

Jim covered his face with his arm and wished the Vulcan would leave him alone.

“I understand you are going through depression right now. You lost your identity and your role in life. Leonard told me you have a history of dark moments. I am here. Leonard is here. We will not let you self-destruct.” Spock sat on the couch at Jim’s feet. His hand lightly traced from toes to kneecap. “I miss you. I miss being with you. I miss the taste of your semen. I miss the way you squeeze me when you are about to ejaculate. I miss holding you as you sleep and experiencing your dreams. I miss the way you attempt to change the subject by distracting me with sex. I miss your attempts to make me laugh even though I tell you it is useless because I am Vulcan. I miss the way you hold me as if I am the only person you have ever wanted to share your life with. I miss you so much, T’hy’la. I cannot live without you by my side. If Ambassador Spock is any indication of my life path, you will take a piece of me with you when you die.” As he spoke Spock managed to arrange himself so he was between Jim’s thighs on the couch.

Jim closed his eyes tighter, feeling the tears fall. 

“What would you have me say?” Spock pushed Jim’s arm from his face. “Ashayam… How can I prove my sincerity to you? You will not share my bed. I ache for you. Does that mean nothing? I want to be there for you and help you recover. I know you are having a difficult time adjusting. But I am here, ashayam.”

The door opened and Bones walked in. “Your message said it was urgent.”

“When did you message him?” Jim asked.

Spock sat up, pulling off of Jim. “While you covered your face.”

“What happened?” Bones asked, looking between them.

Spock looked to Bones and gave a deep sigh before he turned his attention to Jim. “Would you like to repeat it? You claim we do not listen. Tell him what you told me.”

“Why are we even together?” Jim asked, not looking at either of them.

“That’s easy… Because we’re married.”

“No, we’re not.” Jim answered.

“Not this again…” Bones moaned.

Spock inhaled sharply and turned his attention to Jim. “He is correct.”

“What are you saying?” Bones demanded.

“Leonard, we have been living these past five years on Talsa. We have not married in the legal way with submission of paperwork to make our union legal. I do not even know if we can because our duplicates have legal status and we do not.”

“Is that all? Legal marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I should know. I’ve been legally married and legally divorced with a legal custody battle for my legal daughter.” Bones waved them off.

Jim frowned at his words, heartbroken at the futility.

Spock slid off of the couch and knelt beside Jim. “James Tiberius Kirk… Will you marry me?”

Jim blinked at him in surprise.

Bones shuffled over and knelt beside Spock. “Will you marry me, Jim? Legally? On record with witnesses and all that crap?”

Jim looked between the both of them. “Why?”

“Because we love you.” Bones answered. 

“Because I cannot live without you.” Spock responded. “And it frightens me how much I need you.”

“Really? You’re frightened?” Bones looked at Spock. 

Spock ignored Bones. “We will submit the paperwork, Jim, and make our marriage legal and binding. Is that what you want?” Spock asked Jim.

Jim looked back and forth between the two. “Do you even want this?”

“Unbelievable…” Bones rolled his eyes and sat back on his heels. “We’re practically begging him…”

“I want this.” Spock answered over Bones’ muttering. “Leonard wants it too.”

“Woo me.” Jim demanded.

“Why you little…” Bones began.

“Hey! Just because I have a history of going from bed to bed doesn’t mean I don’t want a little romance when it’s for real. I didn’t get that on Talsa. I want it now.” Jim stood up and stepped past them. “From now until our legal wedding day we are dating.”

“And what if we have the wedding tomorrow?” Bones challenged.

“I’m only going to get married once. Don’t I get something a little more festive than a shotgun wedding? Where are our friends? Where are our families to wish us well? What do you have against cake and dancing?” Jim demanded.

“Dancing? On New Vulcan?” Bones looked scandalized.

Jim frowned. “It’s not really about the cake and dancing. But is it so wrong to want something a little more than ‘Spread your legs… Now you’re married’?”

“You don’t need to be so vulgar.” Bones muttered.

Jim looked to Spock to assess his mood and found the Vulcan to look horrified. “Whatever… If you want me, woo me.” A sudden cruel thought hit him. “So far the other Spock is winning in the wooing department.” Jim noted that Spock’s expression did not change. Quickly he headed for the front door and slammed it behind him. Braving the heat a short distance, he knocked at Sarek’s door.

Uhura answered, her eyes just a little harder than usual.

“Can I come in?” Jim asked.

Uhura allowed him to pass before shutting the door. “What do you need, Jim? Spock isn’t here.” The last words were spoken with more than a little venom.

“I need… A friend? I just had a fight… With Bones mostly. Although I said some horrible things to Spock too.”

Uhura led him into the living room where Aisha sat, drawing. “I don’t know what kind of friend I can be. It’s not like I’m T’hy’la or anything.” 

Jim sat down. 

Aisha held up her drawing for her mother.

"It's a sehlat." Uhura smiled at her daughter.

"Is it time for my nap?" Aisha asked.

"Yes." Uhura gave her a kiss and the girl left the room. When the door to Aisha's bedroom closed Uhura sat back in her chair. “After I say this I don’t want to say any more about it. I knew his heart was divided when I agreed to marry him. I can’t pretend those feelings he had for you went away just because he shared his Time with me. They didn’t. There was a piece of him he lost when he left Starfleet and now with you he’s found it again. It makes him whole. It makes him a better person. That person is a lot like the Spock I dated back at the academy before he lost his planet. Which says a lot about what sort of influence you have on his state of mind. So we will not talk about the details of what it is you do for him. I have a feeling I already know if I understand the word correctly. I don’t need to hear the details.”

Jim nodded in agreement. “The thing is… I don’t even know what T’hy’la means.”

“You don’t?” Uhura was surprised.

“It was never explained to me. He just started calling me that one day. I only know it’s something from before Surak… Some sort of companion that isn’t your spouse. I guess it’s supposed to be important.”

“It is important.” Uhura confirmed. 

“And you understand it?” Jim gave her a hopeful look.

Uhura looked torn. “I do. At least I think I do. But I don’t think it’s my place to say. You’re going to have to ask one of them.’

Jim bit his lower lip and nodded. “But if I’m T’hy’la, then doesn’t that make Bones his husband? It’s a companion aside from your spouse… Right?” 

Uhura stared at him, her eyes wide in shock with a hint of pity. “Oh, Jim…”

Jim bit his lips and bowed his head so he didn’t have to see her pity. 

“You had a fight with Bones?” Her tone changed to something with concern.

Jim nodded.

“And you hurt Spock.”

“I may have implied that asking someone to have sex with you does not a legal marriage make. And I may have suggested that your husband is better at romance.”

Uhura nodded. “Marriage troubles.”

Jim leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “Not exactly… You see we’re not legally married. We never had a wedding. No ceremony, no ritual. One moment we were three individuals and then we just clumped together to form a unit because what else was there? It doesn’t feel real. I want real. Maybe on Talsa it felt real, but… Any moment the universe can step in and separate us. I don’t even know what sort of rights we have considering there are duplicates out there who continued our lives without us. Who are we? Am I him? Am I me?” 

“So now you’re here having an existential crisis in my living room.” Uhura concluded.

“I’m sorry, Nyota. There’s nowhere to go and no one to talk to. It just keeps spinning around in my head and sucking me in deeper. I don’t have friends anymore. I used to have friends. Now they are Admiral Kirk’s friends. You used to be my friend.”

Uhura sighed. “I was. And you’re not the one that broke Spock’s heart by choosing your career over his needs. I was very annoyed with him because of that.”

“I don’t even have a career… Unless you count nut gathering.”

“Nut gathering?” Uhura raised an eyebrow at the absurdity.

“There was a tree full of some sort of nut. I got elected the official nut gatherer… I think it was supposed to be some sort of joke that got a little out of hand.” Jim sat back on the chair and held up his hands as if cupping something in his palms.

Uhura laughed. “You…”

Jim laughed along with her. “Seriously, though… We ate a lot of fruit and nuts.”

Uhura shook her head. “I can’t imagine what it must have been like to be stuck there for years and never know if you’ll ever be rescued. Did you hate it?”

Jim nodded. “Yeah. I hated it mostly because it meant Bones couldn’t see his daughter and Spock would one day lose us to old age.”

They were silent for a time, both reflecting on Jim’s words.

“What sort of wedding were you hoping for?”

“Nothing huge or anything.” Jim answered. “Friends… Family. If I still have any of those. I’m pretty sure I don’t. They all moved on with their lives. I want cake and dancing but Bones doesn’t think Vulcans dance. I mostly want a celebration, really. And signing my name to something that binds me to them. I guess we’ll have to figure out who I legally am before that. Now that I say it out loud, it’s pretty much pointless, isn’t it?”

“Do you want help? We can pull something together if that’s what you want.” Uhura smiled at him.

“You can be my matron of honor.” Jim answered with a smile of his own.

“Deal.” Uhura grinned.

“Of course this all depends on whether or not they actually want to marry me…”

“You’re joking, right? Why wouldn’t they?” Uhura’s grin turned into annoyance.

“Because I’m no one and I don’t deserve them.” Jim whispered.

“Jim… Would you like to talk to someone about those feelings?”

“I’m not insane!” Jim answered defensively.

Uhura took a deep breath and shook her head. “I’m not suggesting that. You went through a lot. You lost your identity, your life. It sounds like you don’t know who you are anymore. That’s enough to overwhelm anyone. If you need something you only have to ask.”

Jim nodded. “Thank you.”

\--TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry folks... Previous chapter had to happen to make Jim disconnect from what he thought he had. The compare/contrast between the two Spocks has fueled his depression spiral. And we can't know Spock's mind because this is Jim's POV. He only knows what he's been told.
> 
> People experience depression differently. You get a taste of what clinical depression feels like to me. Now I just get fatigue and loss of interest occasionally. But the spiral of hopelessness and the sabotage/recklessness comes from personal experience. 
> 
> The thing about depression spirals is that it feeds itself and you plunge deeper unless something stops you.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for: Depression. Passing thoughts on suicide. Panic attack.
> 
> A big thank you to my commenters who gave me input on how to depict with 23rd century mental health treatments. Future chapters will deal with the recovery side.

“Is Jim here?” Bones asked as soon as Uhura opened the door.

“He is. But he’s not doing very well.” Uhura answered, barring entry with her body. “Maybe you should come back tomorrow.”

Jim stood nearby, watching Uhura’s back.

“I only want to talk to him.” Bones pleaded.

“I think he’s suffering from depression, Len.”

“Damnit...”

“He can hear you.” Uhura informed him.

“Does he want to talk to someone? I can arrange it through the hospital…”

“He declined when I asked. But he may want it later.”

“The offer is open.” Bones stated. “Can you tell him that I love him and I miss him? And that I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how important it was for him to have a legal connection to me.”

“I will tell him.” Uhura agreed.

Jim knew she wouldn’t. Uhura knew where he was and how much he could hear.

“And when he’s up for it maybe he’d like to have a date or something with me? He can decide where we go.”

“I’ll tell him.”

“Guess I’ll be on my way then. Don’t forget to tell him that I love him… And I’m here.”

“I will, Len.”

They made their goodbyes and Uhura shut the door before turning around to face Jim. 

“Thank you.” Jim murmured.

“You can’t hide from them forever.” Uhura commented as she entered the kitchen. 

Jim followed her. “You think there’s something wrong with me…”

“Jim… I think you should talk to him. But if you don’t want to I’m not going to push you. It may make things worse if you force yourself when you’re not ready.” Uhura checked the food she had been cooking before she had been interrupted by the door. “Spock will be home soon.”

“Is it really alright for me to stay here?” Jim asked.

“Why? Are you planning to seduce my husband on the couch?” Uhura asked airily as she stirred the soup.

Jim frowned and turned red, his body suddenly betraying him as he fought the urge to cry. A physical pain, a weight threatened to crush him from the inside and rip him apart. His throat constricted and he couldn’t breathe. 

“I was just messing with you.” Uhura stated, alarmed by his reaction.

Jim took a step out of the kitchen to cover his discomfort. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean… I’ll go.” Quickly he made a run for the door.

“Jim, wait!” Uhura called out. But she was too late. 

Jim was already out the door. His mind went blank as he picked a random direction and took off, wishing he had a motorcycle… And a ravine. For a moment was that boy in the stolen car, running from the police. He was that boy on Tarsus, taunting a tyrant. So many times in his life he could have died and he had been spared. What was the point of it all? In living? There was another James Kirk. There didn’t have to be two. And he had ruined everything for everyone. 

Vulcans edged away from him, giving him scandalized looks.

Jim realized he had run towards the town instead of away. Quickly he changed direction towards the open desert. What he needed was the open road to clear his head or to numb him to the pain. The pain of his step father’s fists, of hunger, of being unloved.

Arms grabbed him and he found himself staring up at a Spock… And it killed him that he didn’t know which Spock it was. There was sudden revulsion in him and he weakly attempted to push the Vulcan away.

“Stop, Jim!” The Spock commanded.

Every instinct in Jim’s body told him he needed to escape. It was that damn instinct that kept him alive on Tarsus. It was the same instinct that made him jump from the car at the last moment. No matter how self-destructive he was, it forced him to live. “Let go!”

Abruptly Spock let go.

Jim took several steps back, panting for air in the hot atmosphere. “Who are you?”

“I am Spock.” Spock answered.

“No! Which one are you?” Jim demanded. 

“T’hy’la…” Spock began.

“Stop it! No one gets to call me that ever again.” Jim snarled. “Which one are you?”

Spock looked stricken. 

“Just… Leave me alone, whoever you are.” Jim took several steps away.

“I cannot leave you alone.” Spock answered.

“Why are you even here?” Jim demanded.

“Nyota called to tell me that you ran from her. I saw you running and caught you. It is too hot for you to run at this time of day.”

Jim felt more than a little dizzy. It swirled together with his emptiness, making him stumble.

Arms caught him. “I must get you inside.” Strong arms picked him up and carried him.

Jim shut his eyes. The heat and the vortex in his head made everything black until there was no sensation.

^.~

There was a hiss and Bones’ voice said, “His signs are all over the place.” 

“He was running. His body cannot take the heat.” Spock commented.

“This should help ease his mind and calm him.” There was another hiss of a hypo. “This should help with his symptoms. Therapy will help too. Did Nyota tell you what triggered his panic attack?”

“No.” Spock answered. “She was surprised by his reaction.”

Bones’ hand brushed Jim’s forehead. “He just sits here all day… With nothing but his thoughts for company. Someone should always be here with him.”

“He will resent it… He is not a child, Leonard.”

“I know.” Bones rubbed Jim’s forehead again. “You shouldn’t have encouraged that other Spock to be with him. I knew it was a bad idea. He did something to Jim that changed him. Do you think he hurt him?”

“No.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because I would never hurt Jim.”

“He’s not you! Ok, yes, he’s you… But he’s not the same as you.”

“He did not hurt Jim.”

“We don’t know that. Neither of us were there. We were outside, waiting.”

“It seems I did not proclaim my love for Jim enough and the other Spock proclaimed his love too much.”

“How do you know that?”

“Jim informed me of my error.”

“Jeez, Spock…” 

“I thought he knew of my regard for him.”

There was a sound of patting followed by rubbing. “Don’t beat yourself up too much about it.”

“I caused him this pain.”

“Depression is complicated. Many things compound together and make it worse. That probably didn’t help. But this started back on the Enterprise when he met Admiral Kirk. And before that on Talsa it came because he felt helpless and abandoned. There’s many parts and it’s been brewing for a while.” Bones’ hand rubbed Jim’s forehead again. “At least he’s getting some much needed sleep… Oh no… Wait… Shit.”

“What is the problem?”

“I used the wrong hypo. I had a stimulant and a sedative. I meant to use the sedative. He’s actually awake.” Another hypo hissed.

Jim opened his eyes and found that he was laying on the bed with Spock and Bones next to him.

“How do you feel?” Bones asked.

“Like you two have been talking about me.” Jim answered.

“We’re very worried about you.” Bones leaned down and pressed his lips to Jim’s forehead. “I love you. You know that, right? We’ll get through this.” His lips chastely brushed against Jim’s lips before he sat up. “I’m going to make sure you have all the help you need, alright?”

Jim nodded. 

“I need you to get better so we can go on our date.” Bones kissed him again and then slid off the bed. “Alright?”

“Yeah.” Jim answered. 

“I’m going to go contact some specialists. Watch over him?” Bones directed his attention to Spock.

“Of course.” Spock answered.

Bones left the room.

Spock shifted his position so he could lay down beside Jim on the bed. “I am very much concerned about your well-being.”

“It happens sometimes. Not usually this bad. After Tarsus… Not recently.”

Spock reached out and took Jim’s hand, holding it. “There is something you must know.”

Jim took a deep breath, staring up at the ceiling.

“I had a wife.”

Jim held his breath. 

“Vulcan children are bonded at a very early age. She died on Vulcan. Her name was T’Pring. It was expected that we would fulfill our bond when I went through Pon Farr. But that never happened. She made it clear while I was on Vulcan that she resented being bonded to a… A half breed. I suspect she would have tried to break our bond when my Time came. But for a time she was more than a fiancée but less than a wife.”

“You were bonded to her when you started dating Nyota.”

“Affirmative.” Spock squeezed Jim’s hand. “Nyota accepted me and found me desirable. I was flattered. I started to think about what sorts of bonds there are besides marriage bonds.”

“This isn’t about the T’hy’la thing is it?” Jim asked wearily.

“Long ago, before Surak my people were a warrior race. We had obligations to our clans to create offspring but we were often at war. Sometimes those we were closest to were the ones we shared our fires, our food, and our beds. Warriors formed strong alliances, protecting each other. Bonds formed. They were similar to marriage bonds in that they lasted for a lifetime. If a warrior fell his bond mate felt it and fought with wild abandon until exhaustion claimed him or he was killed. When a warrior experienced his Time away from his mate he could be satiated by his warrior bond mate. There was strong affection between them that went beyond the biological need for offspring. In times between wars they lived together, combining their households and raising their offspring together.” 

Jim blinked up at the ceiling. “A lifetime?”

“Sometimes a warrior would experience his first Time on the field of battle. If he did not have a bond with another warrior he died in Plak Tow. If he had a bond with another warrior it became a marriage bond even if that warrior already had a mate.”

“It sounds very complicated.” Jim murmured.

“Jim… Did you ever wonder what happened to me after you died in the engine core? Did you wonder how I was able to take down an augmented human like Khan?”

Jim shook his head.

“We have been connected for some time. What you did for me during my Time… It became a marriage bond.”

Jim closed his eyes. His mind was blissfully calm from the treatment Bones had given him. There was only a slight twinge of uncertainty. 

“I will not speak of it anymore if that is your wish. But know I already consider us to be married. We married the moment I first melded with you during my Pon Farr. But I will marry you the human way because you desire it. I will woo you because I love you.”

Jim felt a tear escape and roll down his cheek.

Spock leaned in and kissed the tear before lightly kissing Jim’s lips. “I am here. I will always be here for you.” The Vulcan laced their fingers together. “Rest now.”

\--TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Jim stepped out the door of the therapist and came face to face with a Spock. He often thought of them as “a Spock” because he never knew which one came to collect him from his appointments until he spoke to them. They looked so much alike it was easy to mistake the two.

“Afternoon, Jim.” Spock said.

“Hello. Which one are you?” Jim asked.

“The one you call ‘other Spock.’” Spock answered. 

“How is Nyota and Aisha?” 

“They are well.” And so it went each time other Spock picked up Jim from the therapist.

They walked together for some time. Spock guided the human back to his house as if there was a fear that if he were left unattended he would run away and wander off into the desert to die.

As they reached the residential portion of the settlement, Spock caught Jim’s hand to slow him. “Jim, I regret that our time together caused you so much pain.”

“It wasn’t you, it was me.” Jim answered, staring down at their entwined fingers. “It’s not so much what we did but the sentiment involved. I wasn’t prepared for you to declare you love for me.”

“I should have told you sooner.”

“Would I have listened?” Jim queried. 

“I did not mean to cause you so much pain.”

Jim shook his head. “You didn’t know. I get like that sometimes. My first major brush with depression was after Tarsus IV.”

Spock blinked at him, his eyes wide in surprise. “You were on Tarsus IV?”

“Yeah… I told my Spock. I forgot you don’t know what he knows. I was thirteen. I was sent there to live with my aunt and uncle after I stole my dad’s car and drove it into the ravine. For a while I was happy. We were a real family, you know? But then there were food shortages. I saw 4,000 people die and there was nothing I could do about it. For a while I thought that maybe if I had pleased Kodos he would spare them. And it really messed with my head to think I could have somehow saved them. It took a lot of sessions to realize there was nothing I could have done.”

“I grieve with thee.” Spock breathed, tightening his grip on Jim’s hand.

“It happened a long time ago. It was my first. The therapists called it ‘survivor’s guilt.’ Nothing came close to that… Until now.”

“I caused it.”

“It wasn’t you. It was my own feelings and insecurities jumbled up in my head. Imagine if the only James Kirk capable of loving you was already claimed by someone else in mind, body, and soul so you could never be with them.”

A haunted, hollow look passed across Spock’s face for a moment before he snapped out of it. “I must escort you to your home. They will be expecting you.” Gently he tugged on Jim’s hand and continued on his way.

“Why are you here today?” Jim asked.

“Spock is in the middle of an experiment that requires his attention.” Spock answered. 

“At least he’s keeping busy.”

They approached the front door of the house. Spock tugged at Jim’s hand so the human would face him. “You know you can tell me anything. If something bothers you… Or you have feelings and insecurities jumbled up in your head.”

Jim chuckled as his words were repeated back to him.

“You are not alone, Jim. I am your friend.” The Vulcan’s fingers tightened in the human’s. 

“Thank you.” Jim smiled at him. 

Spock tightened his grip a moment before pulling his hand away and resting both hands behind his back. 

Jim had grown used to the other Spock waiting for him to enter the house before leaving… As if he couldn’t trust that Jim would go inside. “Bye.” Jim opened the door and slid inside, carefully closing the door as he smiled at the Vulcan waiting outside. With the door closed he leaned against it a moment to take in the cool air of the house before heading for the bedroom, peeling off his clothes as he went. His shoes were kicked off at the door. His shirt fell onto the floor before he made it into the bedroom. His trousers landed in the bedroom doorway. Standing on one leg, he pulled off a sock and tossed it. It was quickly followed by the other sock. The sweat on his body finally did what it was supposed to, cooling him down a tiny bit.

The door to the bathroom opened and Bones stepped out, wearing an open robe and nothing else. “Oh… Hello, darlin’. I didn’t know you were home.”

“I just got home.” Jim answered. “How long have you been here?”

“Not long. I had a video chat with Jo and then I took a shower.” Bones leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom, arms crossed over his chest. “How was therapy?”

“Fine.” 

“Did Spock walk you home?”

“The other Spock. Our Spock is busy with some experiment.”

“Pity.” Bones commented and dropped his hands to his sides. “Did you need the shower? Is that why you’re getting undressed?”

“It’s hot out there. I needed to cool down.” Jim responded. His eyes scanned Bones from his face, down to his bare feet and back up again, lingering on his half erect cock.

“Is there something you like seeing?” Bones asked playfully.

“I don’t know…” Jim took a step closer. 

With a quirk of the lips Bones turned around and shrugged out of the robe so it pooled at his feet. Widening his stance, he pushed his bottom out. “How about from this angle?”

Jim closed the distance between them and lightly touched the small of the doctor’s back. “It’s a nice angle.”

Bones reached back and grabbed Jim’s hand, placing it on his ass. “How about that? Do you like that?”

Jim squeezed the muscle before resting his hand on Bones’ hip. “It’s very nice.” Leaning in, he kissed the back of the doctor’s neck, taking in his familiar scent. 

“I missed you.” Bones whispered. His hand rested on Jim’s keeping him at his hip. “Did you miss me?”

Jim hummed in agreement, his other hand finding its way to someplace very warm and tight. 

“Careful, I’m not ready.”

“You haven’t been fucking Spock?” Jim asked Bones’ spine between his shoulder blades.

“I have… But I don’t let him take me. He’s a little too intense. Fetch the lube?”

Jim moved to pick up the bottle of lube from the nightstand, drizzling it on his fingers as he returned to the doctor leaning against the doorframe. His fingers pushed in.

Bones gave a soft cry and widened his stance before bracing himself on the wall. “That’s it.”

Jim stretched his fingers and kissed the doctor’s back until Bones began to push back against him eagerly. Withdrawing his fingers, he pushed in to the sound of his companion’s moans and soft curses. Looking down, he could see himself disappear into Bones’ body. 

Bones braced himself against the wall and pushed back against Jim’s thrusts, one hand free to touch himself. His body tightened and he cried out, expelling on the doorframe.

Jim moaned and leaned against the hot, sweaty body of his lover. It had been a while since his last sexual encounter so his body seemed to orgasm forever. 

Bones leaned back, his head on Jim’s shoulder. “I love what you do to me.”

Jim rested his nose against Bones’ neck, taking in his scent and kissing him before pulling away and sitting on the bed.

Bones followed him, picking up his discarded robe to wipe the semen flowing from his body. With a sigh he sat down and dropped the soiled robe onto the floor. Reaching out, he pulled Jim into a hug and held him tight. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.” Jim answered.

Bones pulled back and ran a hand through Jim’s hair. “You look better.”

Jim nodded and looked down at his bare feet. “You said you talked to Jo?” It was meant as a distraction.

“She will be here next month.” Bones answered. “I was thinking…” Crossing his arm over his chest, he rubbed at his chin in a thoughtful manner. “I was thinking we could have the wedding while she’s here. What do you think?”

Jim nodded. Of course Bones would want family to be there to witness his marriage. 

“She already knows that this version of me is with you. She’s happy that I found someone I like.”

“And Spock?” Jim asked.

“She understands the concept of polyandry.” Bones reached up and cupped Jim’s cheek in his hand. “I love you. And I want you to be happy.”

Jim nodded.

Bones leaned in and kissed him. “I want to be your husband, Jim. The three of us, together… Always.”

Jim kissed him to quiet him. They kissed and positioned themselves to lay together on the bed. Jim rested with his head on Bones’ shoulder. His best friend wanted to marry him. What more could he possibly want? And yet there was a yearning inside. The two of them together were incomplete. A piece was missing. “Spock.”

Bones kissed his forehead and patted his arm. “He’ll be home soon.”

Jim closed his eyes. In his heart of hearts he knew he could not marry Bones without marrying Spock too.

^.~

Jim woke alone, surprised that he had fallen asleep. His body was warm and naked. Why was it naked? Right… Sex with Bones. 

Jim slid off the bed and approached the bedroom door. There were voices on the other side. Cautiously he opened it a crack to listen.

“So what do you think? Next month while Jo is here?”

“I do not know if Jim will be ready in a month.” Spock answered.

Their movements came from the kitchen. Jim guessed they were preparing dinner. 

“We had sex, Spock. He came home and took me.”

“That does not mean he is ready to marry you.”

Bones gave a frustrated growl. “He’s getting better. His serotonin levels are where they should be. He has been in therapy for two weeks now. I’ve seen improvement.”

“Perhaps because you have wanted there to be improvement.”

“I know him! I’m not saying he’s in perfect health, but he’s a lot better off than he was.”

“Leonard…”

“I’m going to marry him next month. Whether you want to be included or not is up to you. What is it? Why are you scowling at me like that?”

“I am not scowling.”

“Bullshit! I’ve been with you for four years now. You’re not saying something. Say it.”

“It is nothing, Leonard.”

“Again, bullshit! I know you better than that.”

“He has not made any effort to be with me… And he rejects my advances. What if he prefers the other Spock?”

The kitchen was silent for a long moment. And then Bones murmured something that sounded like, “Come here, darlin’.”

Jim left the door open a crack and padded back to the bed.

\--TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna say they can measure some things about brain chemistry we currently can't.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done! I know where this is going... Mostly. Just a chapter and an epilogue left to go.
> 
> Explanation for the label "non-gender specific gestation technology" in end notes.

Jim moved his chess piece and resumed his position, leaning on the table. 

Spock moved his own piece.

“This is what you two do for fun?” Bones asked, watching them. 

“We haven’t played since before we were marooned on Talsa.” Jim commented as he moved his piece. 

“Well… It’s not my idea of a hot and heavy date.” Bones shook his head and left the room.

Jim waited for Spock to move his piece before moving his own. “You’ve been busy lately.”

“I have.” Spock agreed.

“What are you working on?”

“Artificial uteruses.” Spock answered.

Jim frowned at the chessboard. “What?”

“You are aware that that there are very few female Vulcans of childbearing age. With the development of artificial uterus we may be able to implant fetuses into a greater portion of the population without placing a heavy burden on the small number of individuals that can currently have offspring. In theory we should be able to have all adults carry offspring if they so choose.” Spock moved one of his pieces. “Check.”

“How? I mean, yeah… I understand you can implant. But where will these children come from?” Jim ignored the board to stare at Spock.

“The other Spock is assisting in finding a way to recombine genetic material from the entire population to widen the gene pool. Two males or two females will be able to combine their genes and create offspring.” 

Jim continued to stare at Spock in shock. “That’s what you both have been working on? So what does this mean? Will you be combining your genes and creating offspring someone will carry to term?”

“My genes will not be used. I am only half Vulcan. My father’s genes will be used.”

Jim had imagined a child, a boy, who looked a little like Aisha. But Spock’s words banished his imaginings. “You won’t have a child that way?”

Spock seemed to slouch, his eyes on the floor. “I am not needed to provide genetic material. I may volunteer to be implanted with an artificial uterus and carry a child to term.”

“Do you want a child?” Jim asked, already knowing Spock’s answer.

Spock lifted his gaze from the floor to stare at Jim for a moment before looking at the chess board. “What I want does not matter.”

“Of course it does.”

“I have two mates to take into consideration.”

“Bones would love to have another kid.”

“Leonard and I have discussed this and he is open to having a child with me. We could combine our genes and create one I will carry to term.” Spock answered, reaching out to lightly touch one of the chess pieces.

“Sounds like it’s settled then.” Jim murmured.

“It is not.” Spock insisted.

“What more is there to discuss?” Jim demanded.

“What of our child?” Spock whispered.

“Our child?” Jim felt his stomach fall somewhere down by his toes.

“A child created from you and me… Our offspring.”

Jim opened and closed his mouth, then looked away.

“Ashayam… I will not do this without you.”

“No.” Jim shook his head. “This is too much.”

“Then I will not get the implant.” Spock answered.

“Don’t… Not because of me. Go ahead and create a child with Bones.” Jim insisted.

“Not without you.” Spock stated, staring at the chessboard. “It is your move.”

Jim opened his mouth and closed it. His eyes focused on the board, knowing that Spock had him trapped. Reaching out, he toppled his king.

“Do you want to play again?” Spock asked.

Jim shook his head.

“Ashayam…”

Jim stared down at his hands, unable to look at Spock.

“I do not know how to please you. Things were simpler on Talsa when all we had was each other. You were what bonded us together. Without you we are broken. Perhaps you would have us return to Talsa?”

“No…” Jim whispered. “No… Bones needs to be with Jo. And you need…”

“I need you.” Spock broke in. “Come back to me, ashayam. I cannot do this without you. Please.”

Jim bit his lip and nodded. 

Spock slipped out of his chair and was instantly kneeling on the floor at Jim’s feet. His hands reached up to touch Jim’s cheeks. “Look at me.”

Jim focused on Spock’s warm, human eyes. Tears formed in the corners of his own eyes and Spock’s thumbs wiped them away. 

Spock surged forward and kissed him hungrily. Breathlessly he broke off the kiss to pant softly, pressing his forehead to Jim’s. “Please, T’hy’la… I crave… I need…” A soft moan cut off his words as he resumed his hungry kisses. His hands shifted to wrap around Jim’s waist and he pulled the human onto the floor with him.

Jim found himself shifted, off balance as he toppled to the floor, caught on Spock’s knees as the Vulcan held him and kissed. Gently he was placed on his back on the cool tile of the floor with a very hungry Vulcan crawling on top of him to kiss him. When their lips finally broke so Spock could kiss under his jaw, the human chuckled softly. “Damn… You would have me right here on the floor?”

Spock sat up enough to look down at him. “I would have you anywhere.”

“What do you have against the bed?”

Spock got up and picked up Jim in his arms, carrying from the living room to the bedroom as if the human weighed nothing. Once inside the room he kicked the door closed and dropped Jim on the bed. “Now you are against the bed.”

Jim gave a helpless laugh and stared up at the rather intense looking Vulcan. “Does this mean you want to fuck?”

“No.” Spock answered, shaking his head. “I believe the term is to ‘make love.’”

“Same thing, Spock.” Jim replied.

“It is not.” Spock insisted and undressed before crawling onto the bed to lay beside the human.

Jim looked down at himself. “I seem to be overdressed.”

“That can be easily remedied.” Spock tugged at Jim’s clothing, peeling it from the human and tossing it away without care where it fell.

“I’m just going to have to pick that up again…” Jim began and immediately had a very hungry Vulcan pinning him down to the bed, kissing him like he was oxygen. The human moaned and closed his eyes, focusing on the sensations.

Spock broke the kiss and lightly placed small nibbles under Jim’s chin. “Do you still want me?”

Jim opened one eye and glanced down at Spock. “Yeah.” His knees bracketed the Vulcan. “Do you want me?”

Spock sat up a little to blink down at him. “Is that not obvious?” 

Jim shrugged and blinked up at his Vulcan shyly.

“Ashayam…” Spock whispered, placing a reverent kiss on Jim’s lips. The tip of his oily phallus pressed against Jim.

“You want to stick that somewhere?” Jim offered.

“Do not be so vulgar.” Spock answered. “But I do wish…”

Jim reached down to take hold of the slick organ adjusting its aim until he felt it begin to breech him.

Spock let out a shaky breath as he pushed in deeper, his lips ghosting soft kisses on Jim’s lips as he slid into place.

“We haven’t done this in a while.” Jim observed.

“Ashayam…” Spock whimpered as pushed in all the way. “So tight and warm.”

“You can go faster if you want to.” Jim offered.

Spock shook his head and began a slow tempo that dragged against Jim’s prostate with each stroke.

“Fuck!” Jim cursed as he wrapped a leg around Spock’s waist, holding him tightly. Desperately he tried to get Spock to move more, but his Vulcan resisted and instead took a slow rhythm. 

“Relax…” Spock whispered. Usually Spock was relentless and powerful in his lovemaking. This was something else and it left Jim confused. He liked it, but it wasn’t what he was used to with Spock. When Spock gave a soft growl into his ear he instantly ejaculated and clung to his Vulcan.

For a long time neither of them spoke. There was a lot of heavy breathing on Jim’s part and quiet stillness on Spock’s part.

“That was…” Jim panted for breath. “That was unlike anything we’ve ever done before.”

Spock frowned. “Explain.”

“You were… Tender. You have never been quite so…” Jim stared up at the ceiling. “If I didn’t know any better I would say you switched places with the other Spock again… You were more like him.”

Spock froze, a look of worry on his face. “You think I switched places?”

“Did you?” Jim looked him over. It had been a while since he had seen Spock naked. His body was less lean than he remembered.

“I have not.” Spock answered.

“Then why were you less… Frantic?” Jim asked. 

“I thought you would enjoy it.”

“I did. I just wonder why it’s so different.”

Spock stared at him coolly. Sitting up, he stared down at Jim. “This is the first time I have been with you alone.”

Jim shook his head, unsure of the logic.

“Before this I have had to share you with Leonard.” Spock elaborated.

Jim made a face, hopelessly lost. “I don’t…”

“I watch another take you. I cannot help myself. I need to… Need you…”

Finally it dawned on Jim and he stared up at an annoyed Spock. “You’re possessive.”

“I am not possessive. That is illogical. I understand that we are all in a bond together. But that does not stop…”

“You’re possessive… Of me.”

Spock frowned and then bowed his head. “You are mine.”

“Jeez, Spock…” Jim rubbed his eyes with his hand. “I didn’t realize… You have been possessive of me this whole time and I didn’t… Fuck…”

“I accept our bond with Leonard. I accept he has qualities you need in a mate… Qualities I cannot give you. I have grown close to him. We are a family.”

“So when we share a bed together you fuck me into the mattress after Bones has his way with me to establish that I am yours.”

“You are being vulgar.” Spock slid off of the bed and bent down to pick up their fallen clothing.

“And you’re acting like a primitive Vulcan. Being possessive isn’t ‘logical.’ On some level you know that the force you take me doesn’t matter. But some part of you drives you to do it anyway… Like you’re stuck in Pon Farr.”

Spock frowned and dropped Jim’s clothing onto the bed.

“And the other Spock…”

Spock fixed a glare at Jim, as if daring him to continue his train of thought.

Jim swallowed hard. “He never had to compete for me. So it was like this… How you actually feel about me. Or how he feels… You.” Shaking his head, Jim rolled over onto his side, facing away from Spock. “You both love me.”

“Yes.” Spock breathed.

“So much that it frightens you.”

“Yes…”

“I still don’t know where I belong.”

“Wherever it is, we belong together.” Spock answered and crawled onto the bed to lounge beside Jim. “We will be together. My husband…” Lightly his lips kissed the back of Jim’s neck, causing the human to shiver.

\--TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning any "in fic" mpreg. I know not everyone likes it. I will leave it up to the reader to decide whether they start a family. But the technology for that option is out there.
> 
> What does the label "non-gender specific gestation technology" mean? It means technology is being invented so that all adult ages and genders can gestate offspring, not just females of childbearing age. This widens the childbearing pool to menopausal females, and males. Vulcans are facing extinction, they have to be creative in who all can gestate... Aside from the obvious. It also lessens the pressure on fertile females to breed and allows same sex couples to do their species duty without forcing them into heterosexual relationships. 
> 
> I kinda want to write a Star Trek omegaverse fic now... ^^v


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah! Have a wedding!
> 
> Still to come... A honeymoon.

“Since the time of wooden ships captains have had the privilege to join lives together in marriage.” Ambassador spoke from where he stood with a backdrop of stars and New Vulcan behind him.

The banquet room on the Enterprise was filled with former crew along with new. Everywhere there were flowers and people, looking on as Admiral Kirk stood before three men.

To the admiral’s left Leonard McCoy stood with his daughter Joanna and his other self. To the admiral’s right a pair of identical Spocks stood side by side with their father. And in the center stood the admiral’s duplicate, standing with Uhura.

Jim glanced at Bones and then the Spocks. It was impossible to tell the Spocks apart. They were identical in clothing and appearance. Occasionally one of them shifted his attention to the admiral instead of Jim, causing the human to think that he was “other Spock.” 

“It is my honor to bring these three lives together in a bond of matrimony.” The admiral stated with a small hint of sadness to his voice Jim recognized. “We, their friends, wish them happiness for all their years ahead.”

Jim focused his attention on his double, seeing the regret reflected back to him in his own eyes. 

The admiral caught Jim’s eyes and paused before looking back down at his notes. “It has come to my attention that they wish to trade rings. Each has a ring for their spouses in a different metal. Leonard McCoy has chosen silver, Spock has copper, and Jim…” Kirk paused and glanced at his notes. “James Kirk has gold. Will you please exchange rings?”

Jim slid a thin, gold band onto Bones’ finger and received a silver band in return. They both turned to the Spock that approached and slid their bands onto his finger. Spock placed a copper band onto Bones’ finger before taking Jim’s hand and doing the same.

“In ancient Earth history, rings have been used because they are a circle and represent eternity.” Admiral Kirk told the assembled. “Remember the love you have for one another is eternal and a part of them will always be with you.” 

Jim stared down at the pair of bands on his ring finger.

“By the power invested in me by Starfleet. You are married. Congratulations!” The last word was drowned out by the applause and cheers of the assembled crowd.

Bones leaned in and kissed Jim’s lips before kissing Spock. Spock broke the kiss with Bones and leaned in to kiss Jim, lightly licking the human’s lips in the process. They had agreed before the ceremony that they would not “make out” during the kiss. It would be awkward for their duplicates to watch themselves go at it in front of everyone. But Spock seemed to have a need to push boundaries, using his tongue to lick Jim’s lips in the kiss. When they broke the kiss Jim pressed his lips together, subtly licking his lower lip. 

The crowd in the room was upon them, hugging and congratulating them on their nuptials. And for a time Jim was lost in a room of familiar faces.

Sometime later there was dancing Bones managed to snag Spock and Jim watched them from the sidelines. Uhura took his hand and pulled him onto the dance floor. “What is this?” Jim asked her.

“You looked like you could use a dance.” Uhura answered with a smile. Other people had made their way to the dance floor so they weren’t alone.

As they turned in a slow circle, Jim watched his duplicate and the other Spock stand on the sidelines, near enough to touch but not making contact. “Shouldn’t they be dancing together?”

Uhura glanced at her husband and the admiral. “You would think that… But they won’t. Not yet, anyway.”

“Thank you for arranging all of this.”

“I told you I could do it.” Uhura grinned at him. “You wanted this… You got it.” Adjusting her grip on his shoulders she cocked her head to the side. “I am sorry about what I said. I didn’t realize how much you were hurting.”

“Well… I did seduce him.” Jim admitted.

“It takes two to tango. He wanted you.” Uhura answered, looking at her husband and the admiral. 

“Hi! May we cut in?” Bones asked. 

“Go ahead.” Uhura answered.

The doctor took Jim’s hand as Spock took Jim’s place with Uhura. “How are you doing?” Bones asked.

“Fine… And you?”

“I’m great.” Bones smiled at him. “Have you seen my little girl? She’s beginning to look like a woman! Where did the years go?”

“Talsa.” Jim answered, watching Jo dance with the other McCoy. “She’s a teenager now?”

“Can you believe it?” Bones mused. “Seems like only yesterday she was still in diapers.”

“I’m glad she could be here for you.” Jim smiled at his husband.

“The best part is that she’s staying until the Enterprise comes back to New Vulcan to pick up the other you. I get three weeks to catch up with her!”

“I’m happy for you.” Jim breathed. They danced together for a time, slowly spinning as the music changed. 

“Hey… Can I borrow my dad?” Jo asked.

“Yes.” Jim released his hold on Bones and watched as the doctor danced with his daughter. A hand touched his back and he turned around to find himself staring up at a Spock. A glance towards Uhura confirmed that the other danced with her. And he was ashamed to realize that he didn’t know which one stood before him. “Hi.” It was then that he realized that this Spock’s ring finger wasn’t wearing rings. 

“Shall we dance?”

“Sure.” Jim wrapped his arms around Spock’s shoulders and swayed with him. “You’re not going to ask the admiral to dance?”

“I will in time.” Spock answered.

“Spock tells me that you are working on a way to recombine genetic material.” Jim stated.

Spock hummed in response.

For a moment Jim felt panic. What if he was talking to his own Spock? Desperately he watched Uhura and Spock dance until he caught sight of Spock’s left hand and the two bands.

“Be at peace, t’hy’la. You are correct in identifying which Spock I am.”

“Sorry. It is getting very difficult to tell you two apart. It doesn’t help that you wore the same thing.”

“It is understandable.” Spock answered. “I do not mind.”

“I’ll trade Spocks with you.” Uhura offered when she bumped into them.

The Spocks traded places. 

Jim leaned into Spock’s space. “I was just telling him that you two shouldn’t have worn the same thing because it is difficult to tell you two apart.”

“It is understandable. I do not mind.”

Jim gave a soft giggle. “He said the exact same thing.” 

“We are very much alike.” Spock murmured into Jim’s ear. 

Jim squeezed him tighter. “The other me wasn’t happy about performing the ceremony.”

Spock pulled away and looked at Jim. “What do you mean?”

Jim shook his head. “This was difficult for him.”

Spock looked across the room at Kirk who stood by himself near the window, staring dully at the room of happy people. “Shall I speak to him?”

“Maybe go dance with him. But tell him who you are first so he isn’t confused.”

Spock nodded and crossed the room to where the admiral stood. Jim watched them interact for a few moments before Spock pulled the admiral into the crowd of dancing people. Kirk’s posture was a little stiff and wary, but he danced with the Vulcan.

Jim watched them for a time before ducking into the crowd and heading for the outer edges of the room. Somewhere near the table of refreshments he found a corner to tuck himself into near the window and sat, staring out at the stars. Closing his eyes, he tried to think of the serene quiet of Talsa when he had been one of three people living on the planet.

“Jim?” His own voice called to him.

Jim opened his eyes and found himself staring at his other self. “Enjoy your dance?”

Kirk sat down near Jim and looked out the window. “Thank you. Yes.”

“You’re staying with Spock and Uhura on New Vulcan for the next three weeks…” Jim mused.

“I am jealous.” Kirk stated.

“Of what?” Jim asked, blinking at him.

“Both Spocks cherish you.”

“You mean they cherish us.” Jim corrected.

Kirk shook his head. “I’ve never been with him. Not like you have. Both of them…” Kirk gave a defeated sigh. “You’ve been with both of them.”

“We’ve been with lots of people…” 

“Not like this.” Kirk sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. “What’s it like?”

“It?”

Kirk shook his head. “Don’t play dumb. Not with me. You know what I mean.”

“It depends on which one you’re talking about.”

“They are different?!” Kirk looked surprised. 

Jim shook his head. “It depends on how possessive he is in that moment. Tender… Attentive… Hungry.”

“Hungry?” Kirk echoed.

“Like something in him can only be satisfied when he is with us. And he craves it.”

Kirk nodded. “I don’t know if we’ll get around to it… But it doesn’t hurt to be prepared, I guess.” The admiral gave a soft chuckle and rubbed his face again. “I can’t believe I’m seriously thinking about becoming someone’s paramour.” 

“How long has it been since you’ve been with a man?”

“It’s been a while.” Kirk admitted. “Before Talsa. So you know how long that’s been.”

“And you haven’t been curious about the biology involved?”

“For a while I was curious. Then, suddenly, he was married. I put it all out of my head because thinking about what I couldn’t have hurt too much. I haven’t even watched Vulcan porn vids. I just didn’t want to imagine.”

“If something happens you should know he would never harm you. He loves you too much.”

Kirk gave a soft, pained smile. “That’s good to know.” Adjusting his position, he took a deep breath. “Jim?”

“Yes?”

“Have you thought about starting a family?”

“I just got married.” Jim answered.

Kirk shook his head. “We were thinking about it during Altamid, remember? We were thinking about dad and how he already had a family and died by the time he was our age. A wife and two kids… That’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot.”

“You want a wife and two kids?”

“I don’t have time for it with my career… But you do.”

“You want me to have a wife and two kids?” Jim asked.

“You don’t need a wife, you have husbands. Spock was telling me about what he was working on with genetics and recombining genes with two male donors…”

“You think I should have children… With Bones and Spock?”

“I think we will both greatly regret missing the opportunity to have a family. We can be two places at the same time. We can have Starfleet and a family. What do you think?”

A Spock appeared in their corner and both James Kirks looked up at him, surprised he was there. The Vulcan looked them both over.

“Two James Kirks… It’s like your ultimate fantasy!” Kirk teased. “Which one of us are you looking for?”

“For you.” Spock answered.

Jim noticed he wasn’t the Spock wearing the new rings. “I think he’s your Spock.”

Kirk blinked. “Shit… I meant that as a joke. I was talking to his Spock while we were dancing and… Sorry.”

“I am not offended.” Spock answered. 

“What can we do for you?” Jim asked teasingly.

Spock’s eyes went wide and the tips of his ears turned green. His eyes flicked from one James Kirk to the other, back and forth. 

Jim had the distinct feeling that this Spock was having impure thoughts, thinking about both of them at the same time. “What do you want, T’hy’la?”

The Vulcan word pulled Spock out of whatever thoughts had consumed him. “May I speak with the admiral in private?”

“Of course.” Jim pushed himself out of corner and left them. When he glanced back he saw that Spock had taken his seat. The room was full of people dancing, eating, and talking. The corner he had vacated was the only private place in the whole room. Being asked to leave left him feeling exposed and alone despite the number of people that crowded around him. The room had four corners and he went searching for one of the other three. As he settled into the space near the door a figure approached and loomed over him. “Hello, Spock.”

Spock with rings on his finger squatted down to be on Jim’s level. “Why are you in the corner?”

Jim shrugged. “I was over in that corner over there…” Vaguely he pointed in the direction he came from. No one was there. “But then the other me came to talk. And then the other Spock came to find him.”

“What did he want to talk about?” Spock asked.

“About having sex with you… The other you.”

Spock raised his eyebrows in surprise before a small smirk settled on his lips. “And what did you tell him?”

Jim shrugged and shook his head. “Not much. Only that you would never hurt him.”

“Is that all you spoke of?”

“Well… He did tease Spock, thinking he was you. He implied you would have both of us.”

Spock’s ears flushed green. “He asked if I found him appealing. I did not lie.”

“So you do want both of us.”

Spock leaned in and pressed his forehead to Jim’s. “Why are you tucked away in a corner, ashayam? This celebration is for you.”

Jim shook his head. 

“You have not yet completely recovered from your depression.” 

“I’m fine.” Jim whispered.

Spock lightly kissed his lips. 

“What’s going on over here?” Bones asked, settling beside them.

“I’m fine.” Jim insisted. “I’m just tired and a little overwhelmed, that’s all.”

“I knew this would be too much for him. We should have kept it simple.”

“Jim wanted a cake and dancing.” Spock pointed out.

“Just because he wanted it doesn’t mean we should indulge him. He’s still recovering.”

“Really, I’m fine.” Jim answered. “I’m just overwhelmed. I wasn’t expecting so many people.”

“You deserve it, darlin’.” Bones rubbed his cheek. “Do you want to go missing for about fifteen minutes? I know there’s an unused cabin two doors down the hallway. You and Spock can slip away.”

“Are you suggesting that I leave the party to have sex with Spock?” Jim asked.

“Why not? No one will notice if you leave for a few minutes. It will help you feel better.”

Jim looked to Spock.

“I am agreeable.” Spock answered and stood, helping Jim up. They walked down the hallway, opening the door to the vacant cabin. Spock pushed Jim against the bulkhead and kissed him breathless.

Suddenly the door opened and Kirk walked in, followed by the other Spock. It took him a moment to realize the room was occupied for he was distracted by Spock’s hands on his hips.

Jim made a sound, alerting the other Spock and the four stood, staring at each other.

Kirk took a step back. “We didn’t… I wasn’t…”

“You may stay.” Spock told their duplicates. “This is the most convenient vacant room. I suggest we lock the door if we do not wish to have any more join us.”

“That is logical.” The other Spock stated, engaging the lock.

“We aren’t going to…” Kirk stammered, obviously flustered. 

“Does it bother you if they are here?” Spock asked Jim.

Jim shook his head. 

Spock kissed him deeply, cradling his head with his hands.

“We can leave if you want us to.” Kirk offered. “It’s your wedding day.”

Spock broke the kiss and looked back at the other two. “It is no inconvenience. My other self has watched before.”

Kirk blushed and looked away, biting his lip. His Spock wrapped his arms around him and pressed his nose into the back of the human’s neck. “Can I admit I may have a little voyeurism kink? I also might be a little bit of an exhibitionist?”

“We know, T’hy’la.” Spock answered before returning his attention to Jim. “We are the only ones here.”

“I know…” Jim answered and sat upon the floor. His gaze focused on his Vulcan instead of their doubles. 

Spock undid Jim’s trousers and then leaned down to swallow him down.

Jim closed his eyes and tangled his fingers into Spock’s hair. “Yes, like that.” Spock’s blow jobs had always been his favorite. It reminded him of their time on Talsa. It was when Spock was solely focused on him and his needs. It did not matter if Bones was around to watch… Or even his double or the other Spock. All that mattered was the incredible sensations Spock gave him with his mouth. Jim managed to open one eye to check on their duplicates and found the admiral staring at him while the other Spock leaned against him. They sat on the floor not far away, watching.

Spock pulled off to breathlessly kiss Jim’s belly. “You are very naughty, T’hy’la.”

“I can’t help myself.” Jim chuckled, messing Spock’s hair.

“It used to be you could only think of my mouth.” Spock licked Jim. “I think I have lost my skills.”

“Never…” Jim groaned as his husband swallowed him again. Suddenly he was ejaculating and he cried out before going still. 

Spock climbed up Jim’s body and kissed him deeply.

There was a small groan elsewhere in the room.

Both Jim and Spock turned their attention to the other two.

The human was excited, his eyes wide and his breathing off. “That was so fucking hot.”

Jim broke into a smile, licking his lips for any residual semen Spock had left there with his dirty kiss.

“How do you feel, ashayam?” Spock asked, touching Jim’s cheek. 

“Better. Relaxed.” Jim admitted.

Spock rested his forehead against Jim’s breathing in his air. “I love you.”

Jim wrapped his arms around his Vulcan’s shoulders, pleased at the admission. “Love you too.”

Spock sat up and helped Jim straighten his clothes before getting up and offering the human his hand to stand. “Are you ready to rejoin the party?”

“I think so. What about them?” Jim indicated their doubles.

Spock focused on his double. “By my estimate you have twenty minutes before you will be missed.” Gently he pulled Jim towards the door and unlocked it. After they passed through he reengaged the lock.

“What was that?” Jim demanded.

“I suspect your duplicate is not the exhibitionist he claims to be. Not like you. He has not spent five years naked on Talsa as you have. They need privacy.”

“You don’t think they’re going to…” Jim trailed off, looking at Spock. “So soon?”

“I believe they have much to talk about. What you are implying will not happen until the admiral starts his vacation on New Vulcan.”

There was a solid thump against the door. 

“Perhaps I am mistaken.” Spock amended as he led Jim back down the hallway.

Twenty minutes seemed to be an eternity. But finally the doubles reappeared, looking almost immaculate. 

The music had changed to something with a faster tempo, and there was much drinking and dancing into the night.

\--TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did Admiral Kirk and the Other Spock do after Jim and Spock left? I think I'll leave that to your imagination.


	10. Chapter 10

“I have a request to make of you.” Admiral Kirk announced as he sat with his duplicate on the patio outside Jim’s home. The evening was just beginning to become cool with the setting of the sun. 

“What sort of request?” Jim asked, taking a sip of his drink.

“I want to have a family.” Kirk answered.

Jim coughed as his drink went down the wrong tube. For a moment he sputtered and coughed up the liquid that attempted to enter his lungs. “Excuse me?” Finally he asked.

“You know we’ve been thinking about it since Yorktown.” Kirk answered. “Dad already had two children by the time he died.”

“What does that have to do with me?” Jim asked.

“My career will make it difficult…” Kirk broke off and stared at his own drink. “One of us should have children… Logically…”

“You want me to do it. You want me to get the implant.” Jim took another swallow of his drink, thankful when it made it to his esophagus instead of his trachea. 

“Yes.”

“Who’s the father?” Jim set his drink down.

“You know.”

“Spock.”

“It’s complicated for me. We aren’t together the way you two are together. I can never be his husband. But I think I can settle for you having children with your Spock.” Kirk took a deep breath and held it, staring at his duplicate.

“You want to have a child with Spock vicariously through me.”

“If you don’t want to carry the child I can… I can take the implant. But I need someone to help me raise them.”

“And that someone is me.” Jim swallowed hard.

“We both want this. You and I… If we were to breed with anyone it would be with Spock. We both know this. If you won’t then I will. I need this sense of family. We both do.”

“What about Spock?”

“Which one? They would agree to this in a heartbeat. You know that.”

“Not your Spock. He’s married to Uhura.”

“Please, Jim… Just do this for me. For us. Before we regret it. You love them as much as I do. You can do this.”

Mutely, Jim nodded.

“I don’t understand your hesitation. We are so alike. I would do this… What holds you back? Why were you so withdrawn during your wedding?”

Jim shrugged and took another sip of his drink. “I sometimes wonder if Talsa didn’t happen… That we would be exactly like you and your Spock. He only chose me because he had very few options.”

“I turned him down, Jim. When he was going into Pon Farr he started to talk about how much he cherished our friendship… But I was freshly promoted. I knew I couldn’t give him what he needed… So he married Uhura instead. I hurt him, Jim.” Kirk shook his head. “I were his first choice. And I regret pushing him away. We belong together. You belong with him. I belong with him. And I want this. I want a child with my good looks and Spock’s intellect.”

Jim let out a soft laugh. “They’ll be adorable.”

“How could you resist?”

“I’m finding it more and more difficult.”

“Good.” Kirk smiled at him.

There was a sound of movement and a Spock approached from the open end of the courtyard. “Good evening, T’hy’la.”

“Spock.” Jim greeted.

Kirk turned around and grinned at the approaching Vulcan. “Is it getting late?”

“Indeed, it is.” Spock answered.

Kirk finished his drink and set the glass down on the patio table. “We were discussing families.”

“Oh?” Spock turned his attention to Jim.

“Don’t you think Jim would look fantastic carrying a Spock’s baby?” Kirk asked.

“Yes.” Spock answered without hesitation.

“Of course… I volunteered to do it if he has cold feet.” Kirk informed the Vulcan as he stood up.

“You would be aesthetically pleasing in a maternal state.” Spock declared.

“But I would need someone to raise it.”

“I would be honored.” Spock answered.

“Hey, waitasec!” Jim called out. “You’re married and I’m the one he asked to raise his kid.”

The two stared back at him as if he had said something outrageous. 

“Because, really… It would be my kid.” Jim found their stares to be unnerving. Finally he waved them away. “Just do whatever you’re going to do. Leave me out of it.”

Kirk waved goodbye as he and Spock disappeared into the night, leaving Jim alone.

Did Jim want a family? There was a time in his life that he did. But then Talsa happened. “What do I want?” Jim asked the stars. “What do I want?”

\--TBC


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's an ending! Hurray! I'm happy it's finally done! Watch me abuse the exclamation point some more!!!
> 
> This one was tough to end. I started new anti-depressants and they have been making my brain feel fuzzy. It's tough to work out plot when you have fuzzy brain. The fuzz is just starting to clear. Hopefully I can start writing again.

“What’s wrong, darlin’?” Bones murmured as Jim rolled over to nuzzle against his side. The doctor rested his hand on Jim’s lower back, fingertips touching the waistband of Jim’s briefs.

Usually they slept in the nude. But with Joanna spending three weeks in their guest room it was agreed that they would all attempt some modesty. Jim and Bones wore briefs to bed. Spock wore a robe.

“Nothing… Just hot.” Jim answered.

Bones hummed and shifted his hand to Jim’s head, rubbing his scalp. “You’re lying.”

“It’s something my other self said.”

“What is it now?” Bones asked.

“Would I make a good father?”

“May I remind you that as my husband you are stepfather to my daughter?”

“That doesn’t make me a good father. Frank was a rotten stepfather.”

“You are an infinitely better man than Frank. Therefore you are infinitely a better stepfather.”

“There’s no correlation.”

“Why are you worried?”

“He wants me to have a child with Spock.”

“And what is it you want?”

“I don’t know what I want. What do you think Spock wants?”

“He’d be elated to mingle his DNA with you in order to create offspring.”

“I doubt he’d use the word ‘elated.’”

“Why don’t you ask him since he’s awake and listening to our conversation?”

“I’d rather ask you. Besides… He’s feigning meditation.”

“I assure you, I am meditating.” Spock’s voice came from behind Jim on the bed. Jim lay between his husbands.

“What do you want, Jim? That’s what’s important, more than what Spock or I want. It’s your life… Your body. It will no doubt be uncomfortable and more than a little painful. But it’s worth it when you see that tiny little being. I can only speak from personal experience. But you have to want it. It’s a commitment.”

“Yeah… But it takes two to tango. I don’t know how either of you feel about breeding with me.”

Bones leaned in and lightly kissed his forehead. 

There was movement from Spock’s side of the bed. “I have thought about the logistics of breeding.” Spock announced. “And it is my opinion that I should be the one to gestate our offspring.”

“You?” Bones queried with surprise in his voice. “Why you?”

“The artificial uterus is a medical device that I helped create. It would be appropriate for me to use it.” Spock answered.

Jim shook his head in disbelief. “The admiral asked me.”

“You are not obligated to carry a child for him.” Spock replied as he settled on his side of the bed. 

“He’s right, darlin’.” Bones added as he gently patted Jim’s belly. “You don’t have to live for the admiral… Just because he screwed up his life doesn’t mean he gets to screw up yours.”

“What do you mean?” Jim asked.

“He’s miserable… But that was his own doing. He made his own choices. All of our counterparts made their own choices. Mine chose to spend time alone without a family. Yours followed his career and didn’t act on his desires. I’m not sure what Spock could have done differently…”

“My counterpart could have pursued his T’hy’la when he started Pon Farr.” Spock answered.

“You see? They all could have done something to make their lives different than what they are now.” Bones reasoned.

“I feel bad for them.” Jim murmured.

Bones kissed Jim’s forehead. “Living on that planet with only ourselves for company… It makes you appreciate the small things in life that are important. We will always have each other. You’ll never be alone.”

The thought brightened Jim’s mood and he kissed Bones’ lips before rolling over to do the same for Spock. “I love you both.”

“And we love you.” Bones answered with a yawn. “Now… I’d like to get some sleep. I promised Joanna that I would show her the canyons in the morning before it gets too hot.”

“Goodnight, Bones.” Jim kissed the doctor again. “Goodnight, Spock.”

“Goodnight, ashayam.” Spock answered, curling up against Jim’s side.

Bones’ words seemed to soothe something within Jim and he happily fell asleep, content for the first time in months. With the two at his side, his life was complete.

\--Finis


End file.
